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Here’s what ELV learned from his taping of Battle __________! at the Food Network studios in New York two days ago. (Of course, we can’t tell you what the secret ingredient was, nor who won, but we can say it was a battle royale, a fight to the finish, with a whole heap of great dishes that had us judges dropping our forks and howling with appreciation.):

> Author, journalist, Thomas Keller chronicler and big blond hunk Michael Ruhlman likes to paints his toenail(s?) (or rather, his daughter likes to paint his toenail(s?)) a bright turquoise.

> Uber-event dude Lee Brian Schrager talks on the phone and Twitters a lot!

> Indian (dots not feathers) cookbook author and new Cooking Channel Spice Goddess Bal Arneson is a swell, funny gal and a good sport.

> Alton Brown has lost a ton of weight (and looks great, according to The Food Gal). ELV thinks he was at his best ten pounds ago.

> Iron Chef _________can cook the bejesus out food.

> So can his challenger.

> Favorite quote overheard (from Lee Schrager on his cell phone, which, as far as we can determine, is surgically welded to his ear): “Tell them Alice Waters will be there, and Wolfgang Puck will be there, so they should be there. And tell Katy Joel I’ll call her.”

> Favorite observation: Michael Ruhlman never stops writing.

> Favorite dish: This little composed salad of quick fried ……whoops! You almost got ELV…

> Favorite new cookbook author and Cooking Channel hostess: Bal Arneson.

> Second favorite quote of the day (from Ruhlman directed at ELV during one of our verbal jousting matches): “You have a mouth as big as all of Las Vegas don’t you?”

To which ELV could only respond: “So what’s your point?”

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To answer the question everyone is putting to ELV: Broadcast date TBA, probably in November.