John Curtas is …

Include Me Out

To play it safe, stay away on all seven

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In case the fact that Sonio’s Cafe is, hands down, the most charm-free eatery in all of Las Vegas — serving food of astounding mediocrity* — isn’t enough, its owners see fit to greet you with this friendly reminder and enticing signage** right before you step foot on the premises.

Fairness in advertising would suggest that the sign should also warn you that the food tastes like it’s being cooked by Smith & Wesson too.

Fair warning is also necessary to dissuade you from buying a jar of Uncle Teddy’s** Giardenerra(sic) “G”:

Seasoning by Smith & Wesson too

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An oily (in an industrialized, hydrogenated greasy way), under-seasoned, barely-spicy and poorly-chopped mess, it tastes like something a bad home cook would throw together as an afterthought.

Like all the food here, it is a testament to cheap ingredients badly treated.

And that’s about all the time we’re ever going to waste on…


3900 West Charleston Blvd.

Las Vegas, NV 89102



* ELV is being kind.

** 8 to 5 has it that “Uncle Teddy” is a horse’s ass.

*** That gang of idiots over at Yelp, however, really, really like it.

3 Responses to Include Me Out

  • love the vivid colors of the giardiniera. not!

    how is it possible to destroy all color pigmentation of perfectly fine veggies?

  • I know right? Smith and Wesson is so 80’s, should be a Glock.

  • Not sure if I would feel safe or scared to dine there. Bad guy just has to ask for Uncle Teddy then Bang! No more Uncle Teddy.

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