To say the Heart Attack Grill gets you off on the wrong foot is putting it mildly. They insist everyone wear a stupid hospital gown (“But what if I don’t want to?” “We really must insist that you do sir.”), refuse to give you change for a buck so you can feed the parking meters so you can eat there (“Everything here is rounded off to the dollar, sir; no one has any change.”), and then, as if to add insult to injury, play incessant 70’s music (“Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soi”) throughout your meal.
Fat people though, seem to love it. Really fat people adore it.
The place has a cheesy, slapdash, thrown together vibe which will play just fine with the slack-jawed, Weehawker hordes and Ma and Pa Kettle types who call Fremont Street home, but which may strike fans of Smashburger, Five Guys or In-N-Out as gimmicky and cheap.
They don’t ask you how you like your burger — medium to medium well seems to be how they pre-make them — and the supposedly “hot” nurses are the types who look a lot better through beer goggles.*
Still, the place is not without its charms — the most striking of which are the French fries — cooked in lard and in a class by themselves as far as fast food fries are concerned.
The burgers are big and the buns fresh. The bacon they pile on is of good quality and even the tomato was redder and juicier than we expected this time of year. (No lettuce is offered because that would be “healthy”… get it?)
The old fashioned Coca-Colas use real cane sugar, but the butterfat shake (It comes with a pat of butter on top…get it?), substitutes thickness for taste, and mistakes excessive creaminess for proper, milkshake mouth feel. In-N-Out’s vanilla shake kicks its myocardial infarction ass.
Bottom line: What you get at HAG is a good, big, fast food burger — much better than anything at the larger chains, but lacking the juicy beefiness of a better burger. Whether you enjoy eating it amongst such ridiculous surroundings will depend on 1) how drunk you are; 2) how fat you are; or, 3) how you feel about Gloria Gaynor and Kiki Dee.**
Our meal for two came to $28 and we left a $4 tip for our change-less, insistent “nurse.”
HEART ATTACK GRILL
450 Fremont Street
Las Vegas, NV 89101
* These things are matters of personal taste, of course (and most of the gals were plenty cute), but be assured, as this place wears on, the hotness of the help will steadily decline. Exhibit #1: Hooters.
** ELV had enough of 70s music in the 70s.