Dear Readers: After his second meal at Capo’s (in less than a week), ELV sought out his Italian food muse Vinnie “Vinnie Scungilli” Raguacapreseconlimonealscamorza (aka Vinnie Alphabets) for a little philosophical conversation on America’s most popular restaurant food:
ELV: You know Vinnie, the food at Capo’s needs no introduction. This is not necessarily a good thing… Calling something tortellini Trafficante, or lasagna Lucchese, or Spilotro spiedini or whatever, while cute, doesn’t signify anything except pandering to the worn-out, tomato-drenched, Eye-talian food that (usually) is a celebration of quantity over quality.
Vinnie Raguacapresesconlimonealscamorza: Don’t bust my balls paisan! I really like this joint.
ELV: You like it ‘cuz it makes money…..and nothing screams profits like a marsala this or a piccata that. But don’t you think this cliche is about worn out — restaurant-wise?
VR: Not in Vegas it ain’t. Boy, nuttin packs ’em like meatballs and Mamma’s special “sugo” sauce….
ELV: Which is really just a tired tomato sauce, slightly on the sweet side….
VS: …Like I wuz sayin’ jerk off, nuthin’ sells like sugo….unless it’s tons of mozzarella melted over everything, and what’s not to like about the old school vibe?
ELV: Okay, I’ll give you that one, but the meatballs are 50% filler, the steak with gorgonzola was a cheap, tough, overcooked piece o’ meat, and whassup with the stale croutons on the overdrenched Caesar?
VS: Keep it up meatball, and the capo di tutti capi will bust a cap in your white hiney ass…
ELV: That’s just my point, cugine, youse wise-guys have been playing the same tune forever — restaurant-wise, and the food never improves, ‘cuz you and yours like it lousy…
VS: I’m tired of arguing wit yuze, and if I’m gonna get you a pass (from being whacked), I gotta ask: Is there anything you like about da joint?
ELV: Well, it’s cozy, and friendly, and dark, and a great place to take a goumada, and the chicken piccata and veal Marsala were perfect renditions of these overworked recipes — and by that I mean they were, in and of themselves, the perfect glorification of the mediocrity that is Italian-American food in the United States. And the chicken Angelo was serviceable and not overwhelmed by its sauce. Otherwise, most of the menu should sleep with the fishes.
VS: And maybe you should observe a little omerta.
ELV: You know I can’t do that …. so here’s me on KLAS TV on Friday morning, trying to be kind:
…and here are some tasty (and not so tasty) snaps of my two meals:
5675 West Sahara Ave.
Las Vegas, NV 89103