All things exquisite* are disgusting when you first try them. – ELV
We’ve all been there. You’re at lunch with a group of colleagues, or invite someone into your home for a bite. Everyone’s salivating over the menu or parsing the finer points of your ouefs Escoffier fourée a la Parmigiana when someone (usually a guy) says something like “I don’t eat seafood,” or starts sniffing some unfamiliar dish as if it was designed to kill him. When this happens ladies and gentlemen, you have run smack dab into the “Yummy Phase,” and the socially stunted palate pygmies who are consumed by their childish food fears and infantile eating obsessions.
Adam Carrolla — a comedian possessing a keen eye for social absurdities and truckloads of common sense — rightly explains this retarded reversion (to insisting upon foods that appealed to you when you were ten years old) to a sense of entitlement on par with sitting in a high chair and wailing about wanting more ice cream.
ELV also considers America’s obsession with the simplistic and over-sweet to be the (partial) explanation for the popularity of the almost candified tomato sauces that grace(?) the pathetic pies sold (by the billions) by Domino’s, Pizza Hut, et al.
Women are certainly not exempt from the Yummy Phase, and can be even bigger pains in the ass than men (“I’m sorry, my wife doesn’t eat bacon unless it’s very crisp.”), but when the ladies revert to spoiled children at dinner, they usually use (invented, Oprah-endorsed, non-existent) food allergies as the excuse. Because “I have a glandular condition” sounds more scientific than “I only eat french fries with ketchup on them.”
For the record, Eating Las Vegas — the man and the Web site — doesn’t believe in food allergies. Food allergies are just a pseudo-scientific way to justify whatever Yummy Phase (or cockamamie diet) you’re trying to rationalize.
You know who doesn’t have food allergies? Africans.
Or Third World citizens.
Or those living in the deepest, darkest recesses of Appalachia.
So shut up, grow up, and open up. And go try some Roquefort cheese (or a woman’s crotch) sometime. You might actually enjoy it.
* Bourbon, bleu cheese, oysters, oral sex, cigars, country ham, etc..