Archive for the ‘Rant’

Summer Doldrums

June 09, 2014 By: John Curtas Category: Celebrity Chef Hell, Chefs, Openings, Rant, The List 15 Comments →

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It’s not even officially Summer yet and the mercury has already topped 100 degrees for a solid week.

ELV is glad the days are heating up, because that’s the only thing that’s hot in Vegas these days.

Our restaurant scene may seem muy caliente to some — with Daniel Boulud, Guy Fieri, Mathias Merges and Giada What’s-Her-Name all opening new joints in the last two months — but it’s still pretty boring with a capital “B” from where we’re sitting.

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Mother’s Day Memo: Eat at Home

May 09, 2014 By: John Curtas Category: Rant, Wake Up With the Wagners 4 Comments →

It’s the absolute, lead pipe cinch, without a doubt, out-and-out, consummate,  worst day of the year to eat in a restaurant.

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Letter of the Week – Who’s This Chumlee Fellow?

March 19, 2014 By: John Curtas Category: Letter of the Week, Rant 1 Comment →

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ELV note: An enraged reader recently wrote:

Dear Eating Las Vegas,

According to Eater.com, some character named Chumlee from Pawn Stars is now a restaurant critic, and I am flat out depressed about the death of reason and the limitless ignorance of mankind.

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This Just In: ELV Spreading Rumors, Settling Scores and Set to Salaciously Sip

March 12, 2014 By: John Curtas Category: Rant, Travel, Zines 12 Comments →

Good evening Mr. and Mrs. North and South America and all the ships and clippers at sea….

Item: Honey Salt Expanding Empire.

As predicted on these pages over a year ago, the entrepreneurs behind Summerlin’s Honey Salt are set to open two new stores in northwest Las Vegas. If our sources are correct, one will be called Honey Q and will be taking over the old Hops & Harvest space. (Good luck with that.) The other, we hear, will be called Honey Salt Steak and will be located in the new Red Rock Mall. (Another steakhouse in Vegas? What an original idea?)

Here’s hoping all this brand-expansion doesn’t result in another episode of  “Honey, I Shrunk the Profits.”

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Letters of the Month – Hospitality Hell

February 19, 2014 By: John Curtas Category: Letter of the Week, Rant 10 Comments →

“We (restaurateurs) are not in the food business; we are in the hospitality business.” – Sirio Maccioni

ELV note: We take a few weeks off and things start going to hell in a hand-basket. Not with the food being dished up by some of our favorite restaurants, mind you, but with their service. Submitted for your (dis)approval: three recent tales of woe….

Dear  Eating Las Vegas,

Hello, we are from the Chicagoland area and enjoy reading your restaurant reviews.  Since it’s late (actually early) I’ll get right
to the point.  My wife and I ate at Estiatorio Milos this evening, we shared the snapper, the fried zucchini with tzatziki (the Milos Special) and a baklava.

As of this moment we are both currently in our suite at the Encore throwing up and dry heaving.  The way I’m feeling right now, diarrhea is probably on the way as well.  Hooray!

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The Hater’s Guide to Football

November 29, 2013 By: John Curtas Category: Rant 3 Comments →

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ELV note: Between its tin-pot nationalism, greedy, billionaire owners, corrupt colleges and players (who are either absolute assholes or brain-damaged morons) it’s getting easier and easier to loathe everything about football these days. Below is a primer for those who are either unaware of its idiocies, or who turn a blind eye to the stupefying witlessness of the game.

THE HATERS GUIDE TO FOOTBALL

Most professional athletes are assholes pretending to be nice guys. – Mike Lupica

The Name

The name “football” denotes a game played primarily with the feet. Have you ever seen a football game? Feet are about 3% of the action. They are used primarily to propel the participants either quickly away from or into each other, and to occasionally kick the damn ball in what are the most boring plays in all of sports — after the intentional walk and whatever goes on in a curling match.

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On the Inexplicable Popularity of SKINNYFATS

September 30, 2013 By: John Curtas Category: Food, Openings, Rant, Reviews 7 Comments →

Live Healthy Live Happy Live Learning to Love Tasteless Food

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If you want to know what’s wrong with the Las Vegas restaurant scene, look no further than the unexplainable, head-scratching popularity of SkinnyFATS — an office-park, hole-in-the-wall, “concept” operation off Dean Martin Drive that serves junked-up, under-seasoned and over-thought food that mimics the faux-industrialized interior and fake tastes of its customers.

It is food perfectly geared to a generation that thinks it’s smarter than it is.

It is food that doesn’t have a clue about quality.

It is food that gives the clueless poseurs of the Millennial Generation the cuisine they deserve.

Where oh where to begin?

Let’s start with the customers, shall we?

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Letter of the Week – Incensed Over Ice (Water)

June 30, 2013 By: John Curtas Category: Letter of the Week, Rant 18 Comments →

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ELV note: Some may feel “Mr. IAIOI” has gone a bit “Dog Day Afternoon” or “Falling Down” over this problem, but it will be 117 degrees in the shade today, so we will leave it to our loyal readers to put it all in perspective.

Mr. Curtas,
With your wide reader base, many of which are actual restauranteurs, maybe you can address this immensely prevalent problem and get it solved.

The following is a synopsis of what happened at four restaurants in the last two weeks (each time it was a female server, so maybe it’s an estrogen fear of ice).
Each time, it was the same ARGUMENT to try and get ICE in my drink!
The “offenders” were: Firkin On Paradise, Blueberry Hill Family restaurant, Riv Buffet, and Gordon Ramsay!

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Bests and Worsts

June 28, 2013 By: John Curtas Category: Celebrity Chef Hell, Chefs, Food, Openings, Rant, Reviews, The List 20 Comments →

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Best Night to Dine Out – Thursday

Worst Night to Dine Out – Saturday

Worst parking – MGM Grand

Worst Valet – MGM Grand

Worst Oversight in Posting This List Yesterday – Yonaka

Best Candidate for Best New Restaurant of 2013 (so far): (toss-up) Yonaka/Hops & Harvest

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POPPY DEN Pops Us Off

June 02, 2013 By: John Curtas Category: Rant 13 Comments →

Good, but not enough for two hungry fressers

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We — the Burger Maven and ELV — arrived at Poppy Den at 12:33pm on Friday, hungry for a Poppy Burger.

We left at 1:25, with a bad taste in our mouth and one tiny crab cake each in our gut, after being told “one of your burgers is ready.”

And therein lies the tale.

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