Memo to East Fremont Street: The following are three examples of the type of food and drink that ought to (might? maybe? someday?) be in our humble burg instead of the tourist traps and various other shite we are saddled with.

Let’s start with a mega-cool pub, The Hopping Pig in San Diego:

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…a groovy-cool, simple space featuring 24 beers on draft, and about 50 by the bottle. From the narrow room to the concrete floor to the natural paneling, it looks like it would be right at home next door to The Beat or Le Thai. Nothing too complicated, just a great place to drink quality brewskis and not be accosted by a cocktail shill or a gin-blossomed egotist.

Then, how about a tasty, hand-formed Umami Burger served in a teeny tiny spot on La Brea that’s gotten raves from the L. A. press:

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…. instead of the mega-stupid Heart Attack Grill that accosts our good sense and our good taste every day?

Finally, wash it all down with a cask-aged Negroni:

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Gin, vermouth and Campari aged 6 weeks in oak

…..instead of a yard (or a guitar) of pumpkin-boysenberry-martinis?

ELV posts this solely as a public service to the entrepreneurs, hipsters, hipster entrepreneurs, real estate moguls, hipster/entrepreneurial/real estate moguls, and hipster/restaurateur/entrepreneurial/real estate moguls who are constantly looking at Fremont Street and thinking: “I wonder what would work down here?”

What would work is what works in other urban settings…not gimmicks…just good, simple stuff served in an inviting place. (Umami Burger looks like it took fifty bucks to design, but those burgers – made in a tiny kitchen in the back – are goooood.)

It doesn’t take a genius to figure this out but it does take a little looking outside the box….for something other than a tired old formula, a stupid gimmick, or a franchise.

And while we’re at it, whaddya think the over-under is on how fast the “broads” portion of the Oscar’s Beef, Booze & Broads equation gets deep-sixed?

Or how quickly these “concierges” (really just drink shills) move from being quality babes to low-rent strippers?

Or how often you’ll see hizzoner on the premises once the hoopla dies down?

Or his checks start bouncing?

ELV doesn’t wish for anything downtown to fail…but this concept is so tacky that we don’t think anyone, least of all the nickel-beer crowd (or the hipsters) will buy it. And when it tanks, it’ll be another black eye for Fremont Street. (sigh)