13 Reasons to Hate OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE
As Slapsie Maxie Jacobson says: “Life is too short to have to eat here more than once.”
But the place is just fine if you’re a fan of tasteless cream soups, brown bread that tastes like cheap white, and steaks smothered in cheese-colored sauces supposedly made from lobster and mushrooms (and tasting of neither).
Why was ELV at an Outback you ask? Have we sunk so low over our despair over Aria’s retread restaurants that this is where we’ve decided to take our steaks?
The answer is: Mad Max and me wanted to take on a chain for our KNPR program — to counterbalance all the high falutin’ places we review, and Outback seemed like a logical choice.
ELV regrets the error.
To hear our complete take on our meals here, you’ll have to tune in to News 88.9 FM next week. In the meantime, you’ll just have to settle for these not-so-tasty-snaps, and resign yourself to the fact that the public flocks to this place, despite a baker’s dozen reasons why it shouldn’t:
> Tasteless food;
> Not cheap (our lunch steak was $20, dinner cuts run into the high 30’s);
> A Sasquatch-ian carbon footprint;
> Excessively advertised (ELV’s advertising/food corollary: The more something is advertised, the more worthless it is. Prime example: Coca-Cola);
> Soups from hades (see above);
> Sauces from hell (see above);
> It has nothing to do with Australia;
> The whole friggin’ enterprise is a stupid marketing concept;
Multiple locations (none of which is gonna get a plug from us)