So professional, cuddly, adorable, sweet and squeezable is Nikki: …that we would eat at Kerry Simon’s eponymous restaurant at the new Palms Place Tower, even if he served nothing but Fruit Loops, Cheerios and Corn Flakes.
Actually, Simon does serve Fruit Loops, Cheerios and Corn Flakes at breakfast and at his justly famous Sunday Pajama Brunch — where guests (and lots of foxy staff) are supposed to show up in whatever garb they slept in.
In our case, this usually involves grayish white boxer-briefs of antediluvian vintage, and an armpit-stained, tissue-thin Jockey T® (like the briefs, once sparkling white, but now a pale, muddy, muted, earth tone unseen in any catalogue — not even J Crew’s) smelling vaguely of garlic sweat, cheap laundry detergent, and yesterday’s lobster bisque.
Between its shifting scents, primordial color and elasticity that gave up the fight years ago, ELV thinks his used sleepwear was not what Simon and Elizabeth Blau had in mind when they rolled out the “just roll out of bed and into our restaurant” marketing plan to attract the hot, sexy, hungover and monied crowd on Sunday mornings.
ELV is, of course, unfazed by these fashionistas and their obsession with cared-for clothes that actually fit.
What does faze him is lots of tasty grub (and even tastier eye-candy), which seems to follow Simon wherever he goes. The menu features everything from chicken and waffles to unlimited shrimp and sushi. We’ve been lobbying the languidly-locked one to include a giant pot of greens ‘n pot likker, and some lutefisk — just to round out the international flavor of the whole affair — but so far, in the name of good taste, he’s resisting.
In keeping with that good taste, Simon hired Nikki to work the front door. So regardless of the vittles, we will always happily gobble them up — as long as Nikki is in her underwear to lead us to our table.
SIMON RESTAURANT AND LOUNGE
In the Palms Place Hotel and Spa
4381 West Flamingo Rd.
Las Vegas, NV 89103