Noelle and Jackie are seriously sekushii

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When ELV goes to that great sushi bar in the sky, he going to ask St. Peter if it’s alright if he returns to earth reincarnated as a manager at Yellowtail.

Or, if that’s asking too much, maybe as a stick of bamboo.

Xia, Ambaar, and Laura

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Xia, Ambaar and Laura are but three reasons to switch to Switch for your next meal at Encore.

So professional are they in their hostess-ly duties, that we’d eat here even if  Chef Rene Lenger didn’t serve boffo bison steaks, cheesy morel risotto, or one of the best baked cauliflower dishes in town.

FYI: The eye candy here extends far beyond the hostess desk, as the new patio — directly beside the Encore Beach Club — brings the Jersey Shore crowd right by your table on weekend evenings.

Thanks Encore, but we prefer to look at these three.

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Geno Bernardo has all the fun.

Most hard-working professional chefs toil and sweat and slave in front of 300 degree stoves for hours at a time, battling fatigue, thirst, hangovers, unruly line cooks and unreasonable patrons.

Geno gets to cavort with mega-babes, play the bongos, dance on the job (with the aforementioned mega-babes), and collect accolades for figuring out how to get women to come to his restaurant on Sunday afternoons in their underwear.

Most young chefs and chef-wannabes look at the Food Network stars with envy and admiration.

If we were them, we’d plan our career path around whatever deal Geno made with the (horny) devil.

He still cooks mind you (some of the best Italian food in town), but cooking for the public is….like….hard and shit…compared to motorboating your way through the mammaries…so you’ve got to hand it to the guy for figuring out how to combine business with pleasure.

All those young, eager, forward-looking chefs out there should be grateful to you (the straight male ones anyway), for giving them something to look forward to that doesn’t involve badly burned forearms and multiple stays in rehab.

We appreciated the eggs fonduta (with a silky, eggy cheese sauce), the hand-made frittatas (that come with a side of tatas), the cheese selection, the dessert selection, the pastas, the salads, all the fun and the fishnets.

Thanks Geno, for thinking up High Society at NOVE, so we now have someplace to go on a slow Sunday, for that coffee-shot concoction that made us feel drunk and wired for the rest of the day, and for the surprisingly good “keg” wine.

But most of all….

…thanks for the mammaries.

NOVE

In the Palms Hotel and Casino

4321 West Flamingo Road

Las Vegas, NV 89103

702.942.6800

www.novelasvegas.com

Amanda and Jennifer make us want to soak up some suds, bask in some brewskis, and fantasize over foam at Todd English’s P.U.B.

And that’s just while they’re leading us to our table.

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In honor of the opening of Brasserie Puck in Crystals Mall at City Center (that is neither a city, nor in the center of anything), we thought we’d feature three of the most professional-looking hostesses to come down the pike since Perle Mesta was in her prime.

Boy, have we come a long way baby…and we at ELV wish to thank Katelyn, Morgan and Jessica for making any stroll through this half-empty, obscenely expensive, mega-mall worth it.

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ELV thought long and hard about this year’s HHOTY, (more…)

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Technically, neither Ashley nor Tiffany is a hostess. (Ashley serves cocktails with the aplomb of a true professional, and Tiffany is the GM at Michael Mina’s American Fish.)

But so imbued with the holiday spirit is ELV, that dishing out one last “award” to these two dishes just seemed, to him, like the dishy Christmas thing to do.

So from both of them and the staff at ELV, here’s wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

L’chiam!

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Who kares if Krystal kan’t kvetch or kibbitz like the Toothsome Twosome (and has no idea who we are)?

Her smile kan kindle and kiln our kernels konstantly, so we’re honoring her as our 27th Official Hot Hostess!

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As everyone who follows ELV knows, Kerry Simon’s menu at Simon is all over the map: sushi, tacos, waffles, sandwiches, pizzas, pastas and profiteroles….you name it, he cooks it for the hipsters that pack this place.

(more…)

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When uber-chef Gregory Gorreau wasn’t busy macking on mega-hot hostess/babes Monday night at Studio 54, he accompanied ELV on a food crawl through the MGM.

Needless to say, the joint was jumpin’ and the restaurants were packed.

And while ELV was busy with Carlos Buscaglia’s steak skewers, Matt Seeber’s grilled quail and fennel salad, and Nob Hill’s superlative fondue, he (Gorreau) concentrated on a couple of other things.

‘Cuz French chefs are like that.