John Curtas is …

Travel Rant #18 – De-Planing With Your Carry-On Bags

surely you cant be serious don't call me shirley GIF by Top 100 Movie Quotes of All Time
Your plane lands. It’s been a 5 hour flight. It’s late. All everyone on the plane wants is to get off the friggin’ plane. SO WHY DOES IT TAKE EVERYONE SO LONG TO GRAB THEIR BAGS AND GO?
Since you asked, I’ll tell you why: It takes soooo long to de-plane (love that word) because people are either too stupid, too lazy, or too polite to do it right.
Here’s the scene: You’re in the middle of the plane. Everyone is filing out. Everyone is waiting too long to reach up and grab their goddamn bag THAT’S IN THE BIN RIGHT ABOVE THEIR HEAD. They (especially the people on the aisle seats) could do this WHILE every one ahead of them is filing out, but NOOoooooo….EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. waits until everything has cleared out ahead of them before completing the simple task of reaching up and grabbing their precious carry-on.
Sooooo, you’re on an aisle seat, the woman beside you is standing up; you’re standing up; both of you have been standing up for at least five minutes. A couple of more minutes drift by at the pace of a glacier when you notice the entire plane ahead of you is empty and she’s not moving. You’ve actually been trying to give a little ground to her so she can scoot out ahead of you. But she lifts not a finger until there’s not a goddamn soul on the plane ahead of her. At that point she says, “I just need to get my bag,” — the bag which has been right over her head — waiting to be grabbed — for the past 10 minutes.
Seeing a blank expanse of jet aisle before you, and completely out of patience with this dolt (and the numbskulls you’ve watched do the same thing for the previous ten minutes), you do not meekly recede back into your seat row while she proceeds to hold up another 75 people. Instead, you break into the the open field (bumping her slightly with your man bag). At that point, she let’s out a loud “Excuse me, sir!” — letting everyone on the plane (including your spouse) know that you had pushed past her rather than do the ultra-polite thing of waiting for her to finish something she could have done a long time ago.
Once we get out into the terminal, the same lady is all sarcastic, “Merry Christmas, sir” to me, as she walks past me, and the wife catches up to me and SHE be like all “Why were you so pushy and rude to that woman,” and I be like “BECAUSE PEOPLE HAVE TO QUIT BEING SO FUCKING POLITE AND JUST GET THEIR GODDAMN BAGS AND GET OFF THE GODDAMN PLANE,” and the wife be like all annoyed and such at me for the whole LYFT ride home….
….and I still, for the goddamn life of me, can’t figure out why it takes people so goddamn long to grab a stupid carry-on and get off a goddamn airplane.
Thanks, I feel better now.

4 Responses to Travel Rant #18 – De-Planing With Your Carry-On Bags

  • Deboarding planes is where my roller derby experience comes is most handy.

  • Because people suck and have no fucking clue what they are doing on an airplane

    Look at how much shit people pack in those bags for a 2 day trip to the desert.

  • In short, I agree with you. These folks are unspeakably rude. My rule: You are only allowed to step into the aisle of a plane after it has landed if (1) there are people stopped in front of you or (2) you are moving forward or (3) you are moving to a position out of the aisle from which you can obtain your items in the overhead bin. That’s it.

    On the other hand, one of the hardest things to fix in this world is “stupid”. It’s hard for me to understand what you gain by doing what you did. Me, I’d generally let it pass and just seethe. If I thought this person might learn a lesson from this, then I’d be all for it, but I highly doubt that’s the case here, so it just makes you look like an ass to a big chunk of the populace. Besides, there’s no possible benefit to be gained if you cut in front this person and your sweetie doesn’t come with you.

  • These are the same people who wait until the cashier at the supermarket tells them them how much is owed BEFORE they open their bags, and fumble for their purses or wallets to get cash or credit cards or checkbooks.

    I think I know why people are so cavalier about other folks’ time; for the same reason my dog licks his private parts: because he can. People are so infrequently held resonsible for bad behavior these days, and rare punishment is so mild that people don’t care any more.

    Frank Herbert wrote, “Our civilization could well die of indifference within it before succumbing to external attack… this is the age of the shrug”.

    Welcome home, John.

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