Yippee! More Mediocrity!

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Just what Vegas needs: another lousy Eye-talian restaurant — in a hotel and mall (Caesars Forum Shops)  already crawling with them.

At least we can take comfort in knowing this one has been around since….wait for it….1990!

And who among us isn’t excited about “wow-sized portions” served “family-style.” According to its Website, it’s these homey little touches that make….”any meal feel like an Italian American wedding feast!”*

You can practically hear cholesterol counts going up…even as culinary standards nosedive.

And money counted.

Opening in….oh, who gives a shit.


* ELV has been to many an Italian-American wedding. All you get is loads and loads of baked fucking ziti. Tons of it. Cubic yards of the stuff.  Along with cafeteria food, you also get to endure every goomba family defending the honor of their nonna’s version of baked fucking ziti like the Crusades were started over it. The competition is never about taste, since it all tastes pretty much the same, but instead over who brings the biggest tray.  (In case you haven’t figured this out by now, pilgrim, Eye-talians value quantity over quality in just about everything they eat. Na mean?) All you ever have to do to find out why Italian-American food is so bad is to go to a few Italian-American weddings. The only thing worse than the manners and the music is the baked fucking ziti.

10 thoughts on “Yippee! More Mediocrity!

  1. Why not just go to Rao’s? They are the best in town and have been doing it since 1896.

  2. Something tells me the menu price point at this place isnt the same as a Raos, B&B or Valentino…which begs the question why not just avoid the strip crowds if your a local and go to Carrabas (est 1986!!) or something? Same difference Im sure…

  3. @George B&B and Valentino are both Italian. Raos is Italian American. HUGE difference between the two, this article is about Eye-Talian (which is ALWAYS lousy bad garlic-heavy food) hence the closest thing is Italian American and Raos is a good pick. But I agree with you, B&B is a good choice nonetheless even though it is not E-T.

    @Ken hate to burst your bubble, but I’ve eaten at the original Raos, its pretty bad. So bad I would never go back. Rao’s in Harlem is legendary due to mob-associations and the politicos that have private tables; the real reason you can’t get a reservation because all of the tables are literally “owned”, but if the owner of a table invites you then its an ez game to try the mediocrity that is the Rao’s kitchen. Rao’s Las Vegas on the other hand is quite good for what it does, I’d venture to say its the best Italian-American in this humble city; and 10x better than the NYC joint.

  4. One of the clowns at my office decided we were going to have our Christmas luncheon at the DC incarnation of Carmine’s. It was the absolute worst meal I have paid to eat – ever. Everything was execrable.

    I’m not against chain restaurants per se; there is a particular market niche for them and occasionally they do things pretty well (for example, the Fleming’s chain). But whoever operates “Carmine’s” – blech!

    @Ken and @InTheCards – I’ve eaten two times at Rao’s in Caesars, both times I was seriously underwhelmed. I will not try it a third time. Nove Italiano at the top of the Palms USED to be a good Vegas Italian place (John et al even had it in the top 50 of Eating Las Vegas), but when the Playboy Club closed it lost a lot of business and subsequently its excellent chef Geno Bernardo. My last meal there, in 2012, was very poor.

  5. I agree with HighRoller’s comments regarding “chain” establishments and the usual “celebrity” joints foisted off on the touristas by the like of Ramsey et al. With the exception of one or two really outstanding Casino resturants operated by a few of these named chefs, most are overpriced, and serve above average but not top shelf 3 star michelin level cusine. Sorry, but call me jaded after trying them all. The last thign we need in Vegas is another “Eye-talian” want a be or Steak House….sorta like do we really need another Cirque show????

  6. I’m surprised there’s no mention of Bartolotta. Our family favorite. The service here has gotten better in recent years. Jennifer, the sommelier, is knowledgeable and down to earth. The pasta dishes and octopus salad are wonderful, if not as popular as ordering the fresh fish. Kudos to the pastry chef for offering very good desserts that are not overly sweet. Bartollota is a bit pricey, but well worth it if you want to experience “real” Italian cuisine, not the tomato/cheese covered slop that satisfies the masses. Just driving by an Olive Garden makes me cringe and the parking lot is always full. Cheap food, full of salt and fat. Sadly, most of America is waddling out. Keeps the cardiologists busy.

  7. John your Eye-talian description makes me giggle. We travel a lot and recently at the Derby we were with our friends who think this kind of place is great. Deb, my buddies wife pronounces it just like you spell it. Good people but the “foodie” thing they don’t get!! They think Outback is great and for some damn reason lots of other do to.

    I came to down yesterday to take my mother for mothers day diner (she has been staying at our vacation house here for a few months, shit weather at home in Canada)

    I was driving on Town Center West at lunch time today headed for a smash burger and drove by Due Forni. Never heard of it and I wheeled in. Had a couple Peroni’s on tap, a great little Prosciutto and Arugula pizza that rivaled Settabello and a little Prosciutto-Buffala-Pesto appetizer with some nice warm forno baked bread. I was shocked. Damn good for a little tucked away place in the burbs. Better than most I have had on the strip with friendly staff. Ran into one of the guys that has worked at Vintners Grill for a number of years. Cheers

  8. “Pea-ness.”

    How witty.
    How clever.
    How intelligent.
    Not quite as witty as the “boner” post, but close enough for the food morons who pay attention to this idiotic site.

    Wait a minute.
    Where are the “marginally attractive” minimum wage hostesses you like so much.
    Less “pea-ness” and more kitty.

    Wait a minute….a bolt of lightning!
    Now I figured it out.
    Curtas has finally joined the other team.

  9. John, writing an article about slamming wop food shows your true colors. How about slamming the Asians on Spring Mountain? You have eaten in the filthiest joints, yet you praise them. you are full,of s–t.

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