John Curtas is …

ELV Loves Burgers Too…Just Not These

The bacon burger costs $17. It came properly cooked, but under-seasoned to the point of seasoning invisibility. The standard burger was equally bland and had the appearance and mouth feel of a pre-packaged frozen patty. On the plus side, it only cost $10.

Our dining companion, the Burger King of Vegas, the Grand Pooh Bah of Burgers, the Aficionado of Angus — a man who lives for hamburgers* the way Liz Taylor did for diamonds — found his to be “gummy in the mouth” and “not in the same league as BLT Burger or Burger Bar.”

We both liked the soft, squishy bun, and admired how the kitchen cooked each exactly to order — one medium rare, the other medium well — when we weren’t admiring the rack on one of the waitresses.

He like the deep-fried pickles. ELV found them greasy…and hardly “The World’s Best Fried Pickles” as advertised. Heck, they aren’t even the best fried pickles in Vegas. Memphis Barbecue’s beats them by a country mile.

And then there were the “mac ‘n cheese nom noms” — devoid of macaroni (more like a deep fried cube of thickly breaded, melted cheese) and accompanied by a small bowl of innocuous cheese sauce — containing the vaguest hint of Parmesan cheese. For this indignity he paid $6.

Those grease traps masquerading as cucumbers came to $5, and the entire meal set Burger Man back a cool $54 ($47 + $7 tip), including one soda and one water. As we were leaving ELV was grateful (sort of) and inquisitive:

“Thanks for lunch, but pretty crappy burgers, huh?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, “but at least she had nice tits.”

I ♥ BURGERS

In the Shoppes at The Palazzo

702.242.2747

http://www.iloveburgers.com/

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<

* If he wasn’t so big, ELV would call him Wimpy.

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11 Responses to ELV Loves Burgers Too…Just Not These

  • Those burgers look horribly overcooked, and the girl with the muffintop in the red shirt doesn’t help these photos much.

  • Rusty, I think the girl is pregnant, say what you want about food, but don’t pick on the pregnant chick.

  • Agreed if she is pregnant that is par for the strip.

  • Those buns looked dry and brittle.

    to add since it was mentioned, pregnant girls shouldnt be working as hostesses ON the strip.

  • If the “the Grand Pooh Bah of Burgers” is using Burger Bar and BLT as his measuring stick then you need to find a new Pooh Bah. Both are fine establishments that I enjoy but I would be delusional if I claimed that they are the best offerings in town. See Carnevino and Bradley Ogdon for a burger done right (both only available from the bar menu).

    PS: I hope I <3 Burgers gets a second chance in the form of a new chef, the concept is good but the delivery is poor for this price point, I ate there once and will not return.

  • I really don’t see the fuss or price tag.
    In N Out serves a way better burger.
    Fancy burger prices leave me cold & my limited experience
    with fancy burger places always makes me go someplace else for a good meal.
    $17 for a bacon cheeseburger………my god they got your number & wallet.

  • Carnevino and Bradley Ogden are not, by definition, burger establishments. They just happen to offer a burger on the menu. Good or not isn’t relevant. That’s like comparing a Toyota to a Ferrari just because they both have gas tanks. At least you get good bang for your buck with a Toyota. This “I love burgers” joint doesn’t. If I want a steak, I will go to Carnevino. If I want a burger, I will go to BLT. I get your point InTheCards, but lets compare apples to apples. Frankly, the best burger I’ve ever had in Vegas were the sliders at Nob Hill Tavern, but I don’t think Michael Mina considers his place a burger mecca.

  • The best fried pickles in Las Vegas, and perhaps the entire world are at JC Wooloughans at Rampart/JW Marriott. They absolutely blow away Memphis and the floppy-jalopy greasy jobs at I <3 burgers. If you are going to call something "world's best" or "world famous" do something interesting or have it be so awful there is at least some sarcasm value to it. Do yourself a favor and get the beer battered spears at JC. You will burn your mouth, but they are one of the greatest LV bar apps anywhere.

  • A couple of thoughts on this madness about upscale burger joints in Las Vegas.

    First of all, @arm53 said it better than I ever could, “Fancy burger prices leave me cold & my limited experience with fancy burger places always makes me go someplace else for a good meal.” I’ve tried them all in Las Vegas and I can’t justify the price based on the burgers these places dish out. Sure, the Ridgefield Farm natural beef they serve at Hubert Keller’s Burger Bar is tender and juicy, but marry it to the cold, limp, spongy bun, sad fries and “extra sauce” that costs $2.50 and incredibly woeful, slow service, and the “fancy burger” place just doesn’t cut the mustard-or the pickles, the ketchup or the lettuce. (And if the burger isn’t great, who cares if Kerry Simon’s girls are in skimpy, whip me if you will, Russian Army uniforms).

    The “best burger,” should you choose to learn and take the time to do it right, is a burger made at home with good beef and just the right bun and condiments. And you can eat it in your underwear whilst watching your favorite program on television. (Is there a place in Vegas where you can publicly sit in your underwear and eat burgers?).

    And speaking of buns, while certain “buns” are quite delicious if they are soft and squeezable, that is not the case for a hamburger bun. It must be gently brushed with butter and toasted on the cut side. The outer crust must be somewhat crisp, the interior dough chewy but hearty enough to soak up the meat juices without withering away. Now that’s a good bun. A hamburger bun, not the other kind.

  • I dont why troy poleee has to drop the heat. I think its fair to consider Bradley Ogden or Carnevino a place to get a burger. There are plenty more common interests deciding this factor than not regardless the name on the neon.

    Bradley Ogden and Carnevino both serve burgers of quality with quaility meat and there to try and compare and I’m sure the owners of each of those restaurants would prefer las vegas patrons going to their establishments rather than I love shit burgers, holsteins. Fuck doesnt even RM make a Burger?

    So its not like comparing a ferrari to a toyota. Two totally diferrent demographics, price points, gas mileage, build quality, etc. Fucking most people cant even step into a ferrari dealership. All they have in common is four wheels, combustable engine. Other than that, no relation to joints that serve burgers. A burger is a burger and where ever its fucking good brings the crowds.

    And power to the non burger joints serving bad ass burgers as opposed to the shit spots claiming burgers.

  • I think it’s wonderful that an article about burgers gets so many comments. It tells me that most of ELV’s readers are cheeseburgers.

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