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Vincenzo Scarmiglia’s cheese and salumi platter at Sirio is so damn gouda, it’s put us on another cheesy binge.

ELV and his staff cantal-p themselves sometimes.

Perhaps you Camembert it, but ELV promises, there’s Stiltons more.

There’s only one thing to do with such puns? You Edam!

As puns go these should get your goat, and the yeast you can do is laugh for the dough ELV makes when he Kashta checks.

He’s pretty in-Comte-nt at these things, and if you paneered into his burrata brine, you’d find he needs a Fontal-obotomy.

Maybe you should Geitost outta here before he Leydens you out with laughter.

Otherwise, you might be a-Greve-d.

And jump in your bleu, chevre-lait to get as fontina away from this site as Caerphilly as possible.

You know the cotija,  the one with the luggage raclette on the top.

These are crumby puns we know, but ya gotta admit, it took a lot o’ crust to sage ‘em.

And to get a rise out of you.

ELV admits, he’s a cheese-a-holic. That’s why he’s always jonesing for Morbier.

He tried to kick the habit once, so he took up karate. His mantra was: Oaxaca on, Oaxaca off.

About now, if you’re an old Norwegian you’re probably saying to yourself: How can we get Ridder this guy.

But this saga isn’t over by a long shot.

ELV also wants you to know he’s a lawyer, and as such he’s always looking for a good queso.

And even though he can be a pecorino, he plays by the Roules….mostarda-ly.

He doesn’t Leicester to judges, is a Fynbo advocate and a Munster of a litigator.

He knows when you ricotta get out of a kase, when it’s time to cut the curds, and when it’s time to whey in with your big granas.

If those don’t work, and you’re running out of Tomme, then you butter salato quark-ly.

We can’t casu much marzu of this, so it’s about Tomino we asiago outta here.

Sheepishly, so we can Goutu dinner, Dutch.

Instead of some girlie dessert, perhaps ELV will stop by Sirio for his favorite fromage. That’s how you Castel – (he’s a) man – Yo!

THE END

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* Remember: A groan is applause for a pun.

P.S. If this post has you foaming for a fromagerie, the best place to sample and buy fermented curd in the entire Vegas Valley is Valley Cheese and Wine.