Facebook friend Ronald writes in with a classic query in the world of hirsute hospitality:*

Hello John:

I have a question.  My wife and I dined at Andre’s @ Monte Carlo last night, as the restaurant was near empty, the dinner was going great until my wife found a hair in her duck entree, the server came by and asked if everything was o.k., my wife tells him about the hair, they asked to redo it, but my wife said no, and wanted nothing else.

How should this been handled, I’m at a loss ? Thank You !

You’re The Best BTW !

Hygienically yours,

Ralphing Ronald

ELV responded thusly:

The restaurant  should wisk the plate away immediately, and offer to re-do the entry….or offer the diner a different entree selection — and not charge them for the re-done dish. If you decline the offer and wish to skip the course entirely (out of either nausea or distrust of the kitchen), they should take the charge off the bill and comp at least another main dish for the table or desserts for the table. In a high end establishment, a free round of drinks or wine should also be offered.

The reason this particular establishment didn’t do so stems from the owner’s personality, which is (how do we put this delicately?) not exactly a wellspring of charm and generosity. Unlike yourself, he has never recognized the genius and unmatched excellence of ELV.

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* Diner: Waiter, what’s this fly doing in my soup?

Waiter: The backstroke.