Skewering Sandy Chilewich
Chilewich placemats are the bane of ELV’s existence.
They are uncomfortable, dirty, ugly and disgusting.
The only reason they exist is because they’re indestructible and, we assume, cheap.
And because no matter how dirty they get, they don’t look it.
They are also everywhere in restaurants these days, because someone, around a decade ago, decided they were cool and hip.
And because restaurants discovered they could buy these woven pieces of synthetic crap and never have to use a linen service again.
The only thing anything Chilewich is good for is a door mat.
Do you like having a rough, patterned, plastic doormat, loaded with the skin, sweat, germs and food of a previous diner imprinted on your forearms? Then you’ll love Chilewich.
Do you enjoy sharing your meal with metallic link? Then go nuts.
Sandy Chilewich should be forced to wear her overdone, unpleasant, synthetic shite until it patterns her epidermis with vinyl designs of “rope-like yarn” for the rest of her days.
And a lot of restaurants, including many of ELV’s favorites, ought to be ashamed of themselves.
The next time you are in a restaurant (even some very nice ones), and see these abominations on the table, watch to see if they change the mats after the diners leave.
We rest our case.