Letter of the Week

ELV note: This missive showed up under the comments thread for our Le Thai post of last week. Any assistance our loyal readers can give us (or our staff) in translating or interpreting it would be most appreciated.

Dear Johnny Boy,

I bet you live in Summerlin and sleep in 600 thread count unwashed for weeks sheets only because in your drunken stupor you forgot to schedule the maid to do your menial work while you get shitfaced on the house so you can later extol the virtues of the working class of which you so desperately try to assimilate with by giving glowing reviews that only pale next to your eternally white suit.

The symbiotic relationship that allows you to reach a greater high by way of a demagogue review may very well be the straight line that you could be asked to walk by your next best friend: your arresting officer.

Dear old Johnny, why does your alter ego insist on wanting to be known as the Charlie Sheen of the Las Vegas food reviewers? While your readers (including yours truly) look forward to (too) many insightful (borderline genius) and to the point food analysis & criticism, some of us get turned off by your social strata angle approach; Is this what you call winning???

Plugging the downtown dog & street bums piss laden landscape, tax break haven that the Goodmans could not sell to Fannie May or her dumb pole hugger friends is not the needed prescription …So why get on the band wagon??? DOWNTOWN is not the answer to the Las Vegas woes and neither is the strip where Fanny’s best friend, Sally appears nightly at grossly inflated rates.

Socialistic averaging tends to bring the bottom up by shrinking the overall social strata amplitude in a way that the extreme ends of the (economic) scale are “crunched” toward one another thereby raising the median…Food well cooked, food at a decent price, homey food is a trigger to well being and has the same effect on society as social strata crunch… A short lived feeling of well being and belonging.

Food eaters AKA pretty much most of us, are kept from occupying this web space with delirious rants as long as there will be someone working hard putting out good to outstanding food out there, masses will be willing to go through the dining experience then dose off and leave it to the chosen few like you Johnny boy to tell them what happened while you were raising your B.A.C. and screening calls from Dr. Drew so the unaware proletariat would wait for their laundry to complete the gentle “whites” cycle.

NO, I am not a grossly overpaid executive chef or GM at a strip property. As a matter of fact I am behind 2 mortgage payments and no longer have a “dining out” budget. But I still salivate while reading your various posts however your latest review has left a lump in my throat like a $36.00 chicken breast in a cream sauce that gave me gas all night.

Yours truly.


8 thoughts on “Letter of the Week

  1. Damn — and I thought I was the Charlie Sheen of the local food writing scene. But I must bow to the master!

  2. I guarantee the first paragraph wasn’t dictated to anyone. Nobody has enough long capacity to recite it without passing out. I mean, I’m a long winded SOB, so I can forgive not chopping it up into several sentences, and I understand that the person in question is struggling financially, but dude, at least rent a couple of extra commas.

    Also, between the letter writer and ELV, who is more like Charlie Sheen? The answer: Charlie Sheen doesn’t alliterate nearly as frequently as ELV.

    As for understanding it? I believe it means, as Rick James once said, that cocaine is a hell of a drug, but I suspect there are other possible interpretations.

  3. What the he’ll is this guy talking about . Most of elv shit is about Chinatown dives and lowbrau joints that any deralick in vegas can afford.

  4. I’d rather have a bottleinfronname than a frontal lobotomy. Greetings from samba school. I sure love my moqueca. Back Thursday.

  5. I think he digs your white suit and wants to sleep in your bed? That and he really really loves downtown Vegas and all it has to offer. Other than that, I’d be very afraid if I was the guy who will have to post a notice of default and election to sell on this dudes door.

  6. nearly spot on letter.
    although JC is more like a cross between the Hugh Grant & Mitt Romney of food writers.

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