We at ELV are omnivores in the purest sense of the word. But our time as beef eaters may be coming to an end, if the soothsayers at Esquire Magazine (among them our pal John Mariani) are to be believed.

And no matter what your opinion of meat eating — this article by Tom Junod (in the current issue) will make you reconsider what you think about consuming beef cattle — especially the super premium ones.* In it, Junod compares the funkiness of an aged, American Wagyu porterhouse to a French whore’s armpit.

ELV wouldn’t know a hooker’s axilla from a strumpet’s inguinal, but he can tell you that true, aged beef is not for the timid. He can also tell you that the customers at Outback Steakhouse are as ginormous as the food is awful — something confirmed in this review of the chain by Mr. Mariani in the same issue.

The good news for Vegas carnivores is that Esquire’s The 20 Best Steaks In America, includes 5 steaks that are pretty much available here as well as in the cities that made them famous. They include:

* Smith & Wollensky’s filet mignon;

* Benihana’s Teppanyaki Steak;

* Lawry’s English Cut;

* CUT’s Steak Tartare; and

* Fleur de Lys’ Tournedos Rossini;

Not to mention David Walzog’s Barbecue-Spice-Rubbed Skirt Steak with Charred Onions and Jalapeno’s (at SW Steakhouse), and Michael Mina’s Butter-Poached-Bone-In-Top Loin (at Strip Steak). FYI: these latter two recipes (in Esquire’s Top Steaks article) are for home preparation and utilize cheaper cuts o’ beef than Walzog and Mina serve at their restaurants.

We do not include Palm’s 16 oz. New York Strip on this list because the dry-aged, prime steak served at the New York City original Palm is a far cry from the semi-prime, sorta dry-aged beef (it doesn’t taste like it) they serve at their other 28 outlets (including here.)

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* The last paragraph of Junod’s article is a stunner; containing an obscure-yet-relevant reference to Bob Dylan’s Positively 4th Street. Just thought you’d like to know.