ELV note: The last day of the year is a time for reflection, and, for ELV, for getting a cold. Yes, true to form (and by “form” we mean 3 times in the last 4 years) a good ole cold virus has decided to visit us on New Year’s Eve. So, since the appetite is gone and the throat feels like sandpaper, the only thing to do is to cast more pearls of wisdom before our loyal readers. Every year we add a dozen or more aphorisms, witticisms, truisms and apothegms to our ever-expanding fount of profundity, and we now offer them as our gift and our wish for you to have a happy and prosperous New Year. And now, as Boswell might say, back to bed. Happy New Year!
WHAT I’VE LEARNED – 2015
Food is life itself; the rest is parsley. – Alan Richman
Comparison is the root of all unhappiness. – Cicero.
Life is about always having something to look forward to.
Your taste buds are sharpest at noon.
Wine always tastes better in the place where it is made.
Capitalism will eventually cannibalize itself.
Try everything once except incest and folk dancing.
Don’t tell me what the law is, tell me who the judge is.
Three things to avoid at all costs: dinner at a friend’s house, supermarket wine, and amateur musicians.
Santa Claus has it right: visit people once a year.
Andy Warhol got it wrong; now that everyone is famous, no one is.
When I travel, I always keep whiskey handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. – W. C. Fields
Las Vegas is a city that lends a veneer of sophistication to people who otherwise have none.
The hardest thing about being LGBT is shutting up about it.
The higher you get off the ground, the worse food gets.
The more worthless something is, the more it advertises.
The more worthless an entertainment is, the more award shows it sponsors, e.g., country music.
The cruelest irony of life is once you finally figure it out, you’re too old to enjoy most of it.
Traveling is living intensified.
There are two ways a man knows he’s middle-aged: 1) when he doesn’t want the music to start; and 2) when he sees a woman walking with her daughter and they both look good to him.
You learn more from losing than you do from winning.
Really rich people are never as smart as they think they are. What they know well is whatever made them rich. They are remarkably clueless about everything else.
People who inherit their wealth are the dumbest of all.
Self-made men are the biggest tippers.
Children of rich or famous people are boring because they can afford to be.
Marketing eventually ruins everything.
Chess is the greatest waste of human intelligence ever invented, next to whatever happens in an advertising agency.
Music is all about emotion; movies are about nothing but the manipulation of emotion.
I never wanted to open a restaurant because I never wanted to work that hard.
Hunting is not a sport; a sport is a game the other side knows it’s playing.
Guns don’t kill people, people kill people, but people with guns kill a lot more people.
Never make the mistake of thinking you’re the smartest person in the room, even when you are.
Horse lovers are nuts.
I don’t hate dogs. Dogs are stupid animals. It’s dog owners I can’t stand.
How do you give a German a sense of humor? Teach him English.
Nothing good ever happens after midnight.
Great art makes you think.
Never order wine in a cocktail bar.
Comparison is the root of all unhappiness. – Cicero
Sometimes I wish I didn’t know as much about food as I do. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t eaten 15,000 restaurant meals in 10,000 restaurants on four continents over the past forty years.
Sometimes I wish I could just swallow the bullshit without complaint.
(Fra-gil-e, must be Italian)
It’s that time of the year again food fans: time for the Eating Las Vegas Major Awards!
The only awards that truly address the pressing issues of the day, such as: Who has the best hummus? Or, why is ELV invariably, unassailably, indubitably right about virtually EVERYTHING in the Las Vegas food world?
Yeah, yeah, we know we’ve already handed out those stuffy, starched, well-researched, highly-appropriate Desert Companion awards, but c’mon….they’re no fun. Here’s where we give you the straight scoop, the real poop and the no-dupe from a staff that eats out more than every other writer, critic, blogger, reviewer and Yelper in Vegas put together!!!!
So here goes:
GASTROPUB OF THE YEAR CO-OWNED BY A FILIPINO CHEF WITH AN ENGLISH HUSBAND WHO’S COOKING HIS ASS OFF AWARD: The Smashed Pig.
BEST RESTAURANT THAT’S CLOSEST TO MY HOUSE AWARD: Flock & Fowl.