Category: Rant

The Hater’s Guide to Football

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ELV note: Between its tin-pot nationalism, greedy, billionaire owners, corrupt colleges and players (who are either absolute assholes or brain-damaged morons) it’s getting easier and easier to loathe everything about football these days. Below is a primer for those who are either unaware of its idiocies, or who turn a blind eye to the stupefying witlessness of the game.

THE HATERS GUIDE TO FOOTBALL

Most professional athletes are assholes pretending to be nice guys. – Mike Lupica

The Name

The name “football” denotes a game played primarily with the feet. Have you ever seen a football game? Feet are about 3% of the action. They are used primarily to propel the participants either quickly away from or into each other, and to occasionally kick the damn ball in what are the most boring plays in all of sports — after the intentional walk and whatever goes on in a curling match.

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On the Inexplicable Popularity of SKINNYFATS

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If you want to know what’s wrong with the Las Vegas restaurant scene, look no further than the unexplainable, head-scratching popularity of SkinnyFATS — an office-park, hole-in-the-wall, “concept” operation off Dean Martin Drive that serves junked-up, under-seasoned and over-thought food that mimics the faux-industrialized interior and fake tastes of its customers.

It is food perfectly geared to a generation that thinks it’s smarter than it is.

It is food that doesn’t have a clue about quality.

It is food that gives the clueless poseurs of the Millennial Generation the cuisine they deserve.

Where oh where to begin?

Let’s start with the customers, shall we?

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Letter of the Week – Incensed Over Ice (Water)

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ELV note: Some may feel “Mr. IAIOI” has gone a bit “Dog Day Afternoon” or “Falling Down” over this problem, but it will be 117 degrees in the shade today, so we will leave it to our loyal readers to put it all in perspective.

Mr. Curtas,
With your wide reader base, many of which are actual restauranteurs, maybe you can address this immensely prevalent problem and get it solved.

The following is a synopsis of what happened at four restaurants in the last two weeks (each time it was a female server, so maybe it’s an estrogen fear of ice).
Each time, it was the same ARGUMENT to try and get ICE in my drink!
The “offenders” were: Firkin On Paradise, Blueberry Hill Family restaurant, Riv Buffet, and Gordon Ramsay!

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