Author: John Curtas

Include Me Out

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In case the fact that Sonio’s Cafe is, hands down, the most charm-free eatery in all of Las Vegas — serving food of astounding mediocrity* — isn’t enough, its owners see fit to greet you with this friendly reminder and enticing signage** right before you step foot on the premises.

Fairness in advertising would suggest that the sign should also warn you that the food tastes like it’s being cooked by Smith & Wesson too.

Fair warning is also necessary to dissuade you from buying a jar of Uncle Teddy’s** Giardenerra(sic) “G”:

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An oily (in an industrialized, hydrogenated greasy way), under-seasoned, barely-spicy and poorly-chopped mess, it tastes like something a bad home cook would throw together as an afterthought.

Like all the food here, it is a testament to cheap ingredients badly treated.

And that’s about all the time we’re ever going to waste on…

SONIO’S CAFE***

3900 West Charleston Blvd.

Las Vegas, NV 89102

702.307.2177

https://www.facebook.com/Sonioscafe

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* ELV is being kind.

** 8 to 5 has it that “Uncle Teddy” is a horse’s ass.

*** That gang of idiots over at Yelp, however, really, really like it.

Hot Hostess Watch – Jordan at FIX

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She’s sweet; she’s nice, she’s fit, she’s gorgeous, and she does a yeoman’s duty at FIX doing everything from hostessing to cocktailing to serving to explaining the just-updated menu at this Bellagio mainstay.

Who is she?

Well, Jordan of course, who also happens to be our Facebook friend and one of the hottest ones we have.

So if you want one, or need one, or have never had one (a FIX, not a Jordan), you should mosey on over to the big B where the jaunty, jubilant, joyful and….dare we say it?….juicy Jordan will help you get yours of Chef  Renieri Caceres‘ ever-improving, oft-overlooked and interesting food.

And remember: officially there is no smoking at FIX — either over Jordan’s left shoulder or in the restaurant — but with her on the premises, some rules are best honored in the breach.

FIX RESTAURANT & BAR

In the Bellagio Hotel and Casino

3600 Las Vegas Blvd. South

Las Vegas, NV 89109

702.693.8300