Cirque du Shameful – Michael Jackson’s Not-So-Immortal Show

http://i8.piczo.com/view/3/0/c/8/u/1/l/n/h/2/3/l/img/i254286383_26325_4.jpgSomewhere up there, Michael is watching. Or maybe not.

Dear ELV,

I just saw Michael Jackson Cirque concert. May I recommend that you do not go to see it. It’s complete, in-digestable junk.

Here’s my summary:

– Same old Cirque recycled acts.

– Same old stupid and lonely nomadic central character that is a wandering and terribly costumed metaphor for some dream-state something or other.

– Same old ubiquitous inclusion of a random fat person for levity of some sort. This one has the “fat lady Viking hat with horns” and all. So creative!

РSame old Russian whores writhing from ropes & rags suspended from rafters.

– Same old Asian sisters contorting themselves as the show’s dramatic pause during a scenic malfunction and reset.

– Same old Asian brothers doing rapid hand-springs in succession while in moronic “whimsical” elf-like costumes.

– Same old jumbo shoes props (just like blue suede shoes in Elvis show @ Aria). But, these are MJ’s moonwalking shoes.

РSame old hovering metal cages swirling over-head with acrobats inside looking very hum-drum about their  pseudo-trapeze act while they count the minutes until they can get out of costume and over to Marquee nightclub at the Cosmo.

Three new moves that are worse than the “same ole” list above.

1. A small person dressed as Michael’s chimpanzee “Bubbles” that is a recurring character in the show as a DJ, hip-hop dancer, acrobat, and stupid folly throughout.

2. A one-legged (an actual teen amputee of some sort) hip-hop dancer in sequined absurdity. Very verrry unsettling to watch. But, since Michael is dead, they needed another freak to fill the bill.

3. An enormous Jim Henson-esque mechanical boy (with a forlorn foam face) in a swing over a “Neverland” gate that had us all squirming with unease memories of pedophile and molestation charges.

I could not get out of the show quick enough. I wanted to shoot it with mercy and put it out of it’s misery.

Don’t go. Just don’t, OK?

Signed,

Fed Up With Freaks and Flying Canadians

ELV responds:

Dear FUWFAFC,

We’ve always considered it a barometer of refinement in Vegas just how fed up someone is with our plethora of flying Canadians — who have infected our hotels like chiggers on a Kodiak bear. What started out as something magical (Mystere) has devolved into bad, boring, repetitive, acrobatic vaudeville.

The teen amputee bit sounds like the last word in craven, maudlin, meretricious bad taste — in other words: PERFECT FOR VEGAS!

Dying was a great career move for Michael Jackson. He was too pathetic and too much of a pervert to make much of a comeback (no Vegas hotel would touch him). The big production show that was planned for him was doomed — as testimony in the Conrad Murray trial pointed out. He was a sick little man who did his anything-for-a-buck family a big favor by kicking the bucket.

“Thanks for dying Michael. We really appreciate it.” — Most likely the thoughts of all those now seeking to cash in on his death — who couldn’t have done so had he lived.

You have been warned.

8 thoughts on “Cirque du Shameful – Michael Jackson’s Not-So-Immortal Show

  1. I have said for years that I think I am lacking the gene that makes me find CDS tolerable for more than eight straight minutes. Think about it. If one of these shows were taking place in the middle of some casino, I would undoubtedly stop and stare for a few minutes. Then I would say, “well, clearly these russian gymnasts have a talent that I lack, good for them”. And then I would mosey on my way looking for a cocktail.

    But to sit through ninety minutes of it is excruciating!

  2. Couldn’t agree more on your assessment of Michael Jackson – your response to the letter was hilarious and appropriate.

    I am a huge fan of CDS Love Beatles show, but unless someone comps me some tickets to the Michael Jackson flavored Love show I won’t be spending any money to see it.

  3. OMG- i saw it for free and I still wanted my money back. Best thing was the duck at Mandalay Bay’s Noodle shop–

  4. Thanks but no thanks on the opinions posted here. When I want to eat, I know where to read. When I want to see a show, I won’t be seeking feedback at ELV.
    Just saying….

    Bon Appetit ;)

  5. I can’t believe that the casinos (particularly MGM Mirage) continue to put up CDS recycled and derivative trash. And how could they close a brilliant show like THE LION KING for yet a 2nd Cirque Michael Jackson disaster?!!

  6. Cirque has tunnel vision. I have *so* many ideas for creative, refreshing and wonderful Cirque shows I’ve wanted to seriously share with them but trying to get the attention of or provide input to the creative directors, whether in town or Canada, is fruitless. How can you suggest anything new to someone that already is convinced they know it all?

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