How to Ruin Breakfast

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Tattoos are the mullets of the early aughts. Unlike mullets however, tattoos are there for life. And with a mullet, you can always get a haircut to rid yourself of your bad taste. Also, mullets, as red-neck-y and idiotic as they were, never caused anyone to lose their appetite.

Nose rings are just as bad as tatts, if not worse. They never made much sense to ELV until he heard (read? experienced?) that their function (besides making women look like cattle), was to enhance (as in: provide metallic stimulation during) the act of fellatio or cunnilingus (Eating Las Vegas® note: ELV has always been a cunning linguist….but has no desire to look like a farm animal to prove it.)

But to each his own, we say….until breakfast is involved. Because just as your right to swing your fist ends where my nose begins, so does your right to look like shite end when you sit within my sight lines…as I try to enjoy some corned beef hash and crême brûlée french toast to start the day.

Because the last thing ELV wants to think about during breakfast is that girl giving that guy head.

That is all.

36 thoughts on “How to Ruin Breakfast

  1. i’m not learned in these things, but i have only heard of tongue piercings for the aforementioned reason.

    nose piercings – this is new to me; i have never heard of that and i currently lack the knowledge to process this as a potential benefit.

    regardless, point made: brush your hair for breakfast and cover your arms.

  2. ELV – Way to invade their privacy during your boring breakfast. Also, nose rings have nothing to do with head unless Pinocchio is blowing you. The stimulation comes from the tongue ring.

  3. I’m pretty surprised by this entry. Who cares about what someone at another table looked like? What does that have to do with the restaurant or the food? You act like they paid them to sit at that table JUST so they could annoy you.

    How was the food? Where was this? Don’t be an unprofessional asshole just because else was eating in your vicinity.

  4. I’m with the panel on this. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. I choose not to let what other people in the restaurant look like decide for me whether I will or will not enjoy my meal.

  5. Most regret the tattoos later on and this is a food blog and personally,to each his/her own. However, interestingly, is it inappropriate to show up to dinner at a fine restaurant with tattoos and piercing? Is it Jackets required but tattoos and piercings not welcome? I don’t like them but what’s appropriate in the industry?

  6. I think you are just trying to stir the pot with Al on this one, but it flows with the theme of other posts you have done about how people dress for dinner as well. I seem to remember one about a restaurant in the Bellagio with guys wearing t-shirts or something. I think the sleeveless shirt and backward hat are much more offensive, but then again, I have a thing about HotchickswithDouchebags.

  7. As your heavily tattooed book editor, I must say, I’m surprised at you! I had no idea I was offending so many people by merely existing. I suppose I and my marked brethren will dine at home away from our betters, at least until the internment camps are erected.

  8. ELV responds: To @steve and @LVneedsarealcritic, if you think those folks look like that and don’t WANT to be gawked at…then you’re not the pretty bright bulbs we think you are. Invasion of privacy? PUH-leeze. Everything about them screams “look at me!”

    To @Heidi, your appearance (and ink) has always seemed subdued and is hardly off-putting….but maybe that’s because your charm and intelligence blinds ELV to whatever paint is embedded in your epidermis.

    To @Lvneedsarealcritic, thanks for the heads up on head….but if that is true, what, exactly are nose rings FOR??? Besides bringing out the bovine in beauties?

  9. John-

    Stop being so narrow-minded. You owe these people a public apology. It’s a little ironic you’ve never minded sitting next to my tattooed and pierced presence if it helps you to sell a few books!


  10. It’s sad to me that you actually allowed the appearance of someone to ruin your meal. Unfortunately for you, not everyone looks the way you would prefer. And what a pathetic/boring world that would be. I also find it interesting that you respond to Heidi saying her personality over-shadows the look you do not like, but yet did you get to know the personalities of the two you were judging at breakfast? I think not. And I do think people should somewhat consider they’re appearance for the location they’re visiting, however it doesn’t look to me like you’re eating at a especially classy joint. Aside from all the valid points I’ve made, bottom line is if you don’t like the way someone looks – dont look at them!! Let alone take pictures.

  11. Wow. How superior do you feel right now? I would prefer not to be tattooed or pierced, but will defend to the death their right to do so.

    Two things:

    My mother told me, while out at a nice dinner: Keep your eyes on your own plate.


    You know, tattoos and piercings can be removed, but stupid and intolerant are forever.

  12. What do you know, you are making fun of someone else’s physical appearance again.

    With as much as you do this, you must be oblivious to the fact that you’re getting to the age where your testicles are going to start touching the water when you sit down to take a shit.

    You are so old that you will have man-boobs for the rest of your life, no matter how little you eat.

    Stop commenting on the way other people look, because nobody wants to read it, and nobody wants to look at you either, tubby boy.

  13. I hate people, so john curtas is excactly right in my mind, I would like yank her nose ring out of her stupid face, and take a vegetable peeler to those stupid, ” look at me im so cool ” tattoos. why dont you pussies use your real names

  14. Next,
    The overly processed microwave dinners in ELV’s freezer for the nights he does not eat out or give head.

    We know the pantry is filled with Beefaroni :)))

  15. Damn. Hope you don’t ever go into a restaurant with an open kitchen. It would be unfortunate if you had to see those tatted cooks ruining your food by proxy.

  16. agree 100% ELV

    what kinda sumbag wears a hat nigga style at a public restaurant. and yeah im sure that girl is destined for a real fine marriage and life.

    problem with vegas is there are too many people like that. and this from a guy typing this from the leiseplein in amsterdam where stoners and drinkers alike have more class than to wear a backwards cap and a hoodie in a restaurant.

    bravo ELV for calling out those asswipes.

  17. While you are certainly entitled to express your opinion this is definately one you should have kept to yourself. Plenty of foodies, like myself, have tattoos. I check your blog daily to read about your thoughts on food, restaurants, chefs, etc. I had no idea that when I checked it today that I would be reading about how you think that those of us with tattoos have bad taste…..I realize that there are plenty of people that pass judgement on me, I just didn’t expect to see it in my favorite food blog :(

  18. Wow, I WAS a daily reader of your site until I read this post. Way to stray off topic, could have at least let us all know what “high end” restaurant this was at so we could make sure to dress properly when showing up to avoid eating the under cooked French toast.
    But instead of giving a proper review you would much rather cut down the individuals at the table next to you with you lack of knowledge about piercings. You would think being in Vegas you would be somewhat accustom to this as those people you took photos of represent a decent amount of the people that live here. Either way I am not going to rant more than need except this close minded judgmental comments have lost a reader of your site, I hope others follow suit.

  19. Wow, you people need to pull up your panties and cut the self righteous bull. If you have tats that’s one thing, whatever, but there’s a big difference between exposing your ink and intentionally looking like a clown. The dude’s pants are halfway down his thighs, he’s wearing a tank top that exposes way more skin than I want to see while I’m eating, they’re both wearing sunglasses INSIDE what appears to be a not very bright establishment and the girl has her f**king hood up?!! Are you kidding me? When you intentionally look like a scum bag and someone calls you on it I say it’s a fair call. If I went to breakfast and was seated next to these two, I would ask to be moved immediately.

  20. The French toast wasnt undercooked!! If you paid attention, is was called creme brûlée French toaSt, the custard was placed there purposely!
    Damn elv, you done stirred the pot here! NICE

  21. JC- i bet if that cat was sitting in PJ Clarke’s you’d be saying something like: “Finally, the young hip underbelly of Las Vegas locals has discovered what i’ve been saying all along. By the way, they have the best burger/wedge salad this side of my last field sobriety test”

  22. My God, John. You had an opinion on tattoos and piercings?!? The nerve of you. How can you go around attacking peoples’ character based on their appearance. The two pictured can be friendly, charitable, accepting people, and you practically compared them to Hitler or Osama Bin Laden.

    I’m done with this place. I’m never coming back here again!!!

    Oh, wait. You never commented on their character. You only had an opinion on tattoos and piercings. Besides, I couldn’t have said it any better than BigJoke – these two wanted to be noticed/looked at (and probably thought they looked cool).

    OK, I guess I’ll give you another chance. Anyway, this has been an entertaining ride :-)

  23. Outside of showing the decay of our society, Central has a long way to go to make breakfast look appealing. I’ve seen better at a poker bar!!

  24. If those two acted like asswipes at breakfast, then call them out.

    But mocking their tats and nose ring in *VEGAS* of all places make YOU look like the asswipe John.

    And, uh, as one of the previous posters noted, methinks you may well be in line for getting a mouthful of something unpleasant from one of the numerous tatted out chefs working in some of our finer rooms next time you dine…

  25. John you are an old, out of touch, prick!! I think the next time I see your big bushy white hair and gay ass glasses in a restaurant, I’m going to walk up to you and vomit in disgust.

    You aren’t exactly pleasing on the eyes yourself. The blond in the sunglasses however.. more of an eye fill. what i am really trying to say, you should stick to your ” Questionable food Palate ” instead of someones looks for their weekend here in vegas.

  26. There’s no requirement in reading this blog. If anyone feels they “detest” or think ELV is an “…out of touch, prick” feel free to no longer visit this site. But, for us who do enjoy this site, your juvenile, short witted name calling posts are taking up all of our time and causing us (the one’s who get what this actually means) to tell you to either get over it or just leave and don’t come back. Oh, and anyone who uses the term “foodie”, or even calls themselves one doesn’t know anything about food. “Foodies” think bacon wrapped anything and salted caramel are still a cool thing.

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