ELV has been getting depressed lately about a lot of things, including, but not limited to:
> The heat,
> The humidity,
> The fact that a one-hit, derivative, emo wonder like Kings of Leon rates front page news because its strung out frontman is suffering from “exhaustion” (read: an excess of booze and drugs*),
> The Las Vegas economy,
> The Nation’s economy,
> His weight,
> His bank account,
> Amy Winehouse’s not unforeseen entrance into the 27 Club,
> Lady Gaga’s persistent popularity,
> The fact that he actually knows who Kings of Leon, Amy Winehouse and Lady Gaga are,
> The amount of dog sh*t all over his neighborhood,**
> The lack of a single good lunch restaurant downtown,
> The closing of Rosemary’s, and (sigh)
> His own mortality.
But most of all, ELV is depressed because he heard the Jean Georges Steakhouse in Aria only sells about 10 of their house-made sodas every night!
“WTF!” was all he could exclaim upon hearing this news. “How could people be so stupid?”
We have fresh, bright, intensely flavored, house-made, non-alcoholic drinks right under our noses – no chemicals, no preservatives, made fresh every day from the best ingredients…yet no one is ordering them???!!!
Why god, why is there no soda justice in the world?
Along with the house-made ginger ale at Sensi, they give ELV both a reason to live…and for staying on the wagon.
Best of all, they only cost $8, which may seem high to some, but just think of the calories and hangover you save!
JEAN GEORGES STEAKHOUSE
In the Aria Hotel and Casino
3730 Las Vegas Blvd. South
Las Vegas, NV 89109
* ELV has been on many a bender, so he’s well acquainted with “exhaustion.”
** An issue that has gone from general contempt and disgust (with dog owners), to homicidal paranoia (towards all dog owners***) over the past fifteen years.
*** Dog owners of the world beware: If ELV owned a gun (which he does not), or had violent, fanatical tendencies (which aren’t in his DNA), none of you or your stupid pets would be safe.