Depressed? Drink These Now – Sodas at JEAN GEORGES STEAKHOUSE

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ELV has been getting depressed lately about a lot of things, including, but not limited to:

> The heat,

> The humidity,

> The fact that a one-hit, derivative, emo wonder like Kings of Leon rates front page news because its strung out frontman is suffering from “exhaustion” (read: an excess of booze and drugs*),

> The Las Vegas economy,

> The Nation’s economy,

> His weight,

> His bank account,

> Amy Winehouse’s not unforeseen entrance into the 27 Club,

> Lady Gaga’s persistent popularity,

> The fact that he actually knows who Kings of Leon, Amy Winehouse and Lady Gaga are,

> The amount of dog sh*t all over his neighborhood,**

> The lack of a single good lunch restaurant downtown,

> The closing of Rosemary’s, and (sigh)

> His own mortality.

But most of all, ELV is depressed because he heard the Jean Georges Steakhouse in Aria only sells about 10 of their house-made sodas every night!

“WTF!” was all he could exclaim upon hearing this news. “How could people be so stupid?”

We have fresh, bright, intensely flavored, house-made, non-alcoholic drinks right under our noses – no chemicals, no preservatives, made fresh every day from the best ingredients…yet no one is ordering them???!!!

Why god, why is there no soda justice in the world?

Along with the house-made ginger ale at Sensi, they give ELV both a reason to live…and for staying on the wagon.

Best of all, they only cost $8, which may seem high to some, but just think of the calories and hangover you save!


In the Aria Hotel and Casino

3730 Las Vegas Blvd. South

Las Vegas, NV 89109



* ELV has been on many a bender, so he’s well acquainted with “exhaustion.”

** An issue that has gone from general contempt and disgust (with dog owners), to homicidal paranoia (towards all dog owners***) over the past fifteen years.

*** Dog owners of the world beware: If ELV owned a gun (which he does not), or had violent, fanatical tendencies (which aren’t in his DNA), none of you or your stupid pets would be safe.

6 thoughts on “Depressed? Drink These Now – Sodas at JEAN GEORGES STEAKHOUSE

  1. $8 is a bargain.
    Most places serve contemporary factory-ized ginger ales that all taste like 7 up. A good, strong flavorful traditional ginger ale is a hens tooth.

  2. Cheer up, September is just around the corner and Mundo is a terrific lunch restaurant downtown (try some Sangria and the fajitas, for example)

  3. ELV – Its reviews like these that lower your credibility as a true restaurant critic. Foodies don’t want to hear a longwinded rant about your dog sh*t problem that includes grossy irrelevant comments, especially ones that are grossy inaccurate (i.e. “checkbook balance” as I have seen a lot of good reviews lately which means you are getting comped…..or Kings of Leon being a “one-hit, derivative, emo wonder”; we can all assume you have never listened to the band because calling them emo is like calling John Curtas a restaurant critic…). And lastly, end the third person.

  4. John, next time put some Bourbon in the ginger ale at Sensi. We did it all the time at Silk Road. Best hoghball out there.

  5. ELV responds: Lighten up @LvneedsArealcritic. It’s only a blog.

    And if you think you could do better…knock yourself out! (You can’t and you couldn’t and you know it.)

    And thanks for the comment!

  6. I personally want to hear about ELV rants. I have been reading this shitty blog for about 6 years now and its nice to know this guy is human like everyone else.

    So for vegas needing a real critic, what does that exactly imply? Seriously, Vegas is a tough crowd and controlled by the powers of MGM/MIRAGE, WYNN/ENCORe, HARRAHS; you get the idea. Anybody that works in the industry gets the idea.
    So it takes some serious know about to just get in there and make some fucking food reviews regardless of what anyone thinks.

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