As you can see from the pics, Las Vegas’s Best Food Week Ever culminated with an auction to benefit the JBF. Unfortunately for auctioneer you-know-who (along with his plucky sidekick Alan (The Hitman) Richman), there weren’t enough high-rollers in the crowd to make things more beneficial for the Foundation. There were some punters (like Au Bon Climat’s Jim Clendenen — whose bids and contributions were greatly appreciated), but most just sat on their hands, despite ELV’s vociferous entreaties…And we’re not saying the crowd was cheap but:
> After shaking ELV’s hand, most of them counted their fingers;
> Before counting their money, they get drunk so they’ll see double;
> ELV knows a few of them who married girls born February 29th, so they only have to buy birthday presents every four years;
> Some married skinny girls so they could buy a smaller wedding ring;
> Even if they were in a canoe, they wouldn’t tip;
> They count their money in front of a mirror so they won’t
And one guy in the crowd is so cheap, ELV knows for a fact:
> He swallows his food without chewing so he won’t wear
out his teeth.
It was a ton of fun, but also kinda painful for the audience to watch me cajoling with no discernable effect. But a good-n-tasty-time was had by all, and it was great to rub shoulders with all that gastronomic greatness.
And live and learn we say….but next year, we’re hedging our bets by inviting this guy.