The Hater’s Guide to Football

 

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ELV note: We ran this item last year, and, if anything, everything we wrote then is even more relevant now. For those of you who will protest with comments like:  “This is a restaurant Web site, why are you writing about other things? Blah, blah, blah…” (and believe us, we get a number of them), all we can say is: This is ELV! He writes about what he wants when he wants, and hopes you enjoy the ride. If you don’t, remember our solemn pledge to our loyal readers: All opinions guaranteed or your money back!

THE HATERS GUIDE TO FOOTBALL

Most professional athletes are assholes pretending to be nice guys. – Mike Lupica

When Oscar Wilde said: “Seriousness is the last refuge of the shallow,” he must have been thinking about Roger Goodell. – ELV

Between its tin-pot nationalism, greedy, billionaire owners, corrupt colleges, and players (who are either absolute assholes or brain-damaged morons) it’s getting easier and easier to loathe everything about football. Below is a primer for those who are either unaware of its idiocies, or who turn a blind eye to the stupefying witlessness of the game, and the shameless arrogance of those who bring it into our living rooms.

Continue reading “The Hater’s Guide to Football”

The Hater’s Guide to Football

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ELV note: Between its tin-pot nationalism, greedy, billionaire owners, corrupt colleges and players (who are either absolute assholes or brain-damaged morons) it’s getting easier and easier to loathe everything about football these days. Below is a primer for those who are either unaware of its idiocies, or who turn a blind eye to the stupefying witlessness of the game.

THE HATERS GUIDE TO FOOTBALL

Most professional athletes are assholes pretending to be nice guys. – Mike Lupica

The Name

The name “football” denotes a game played primarily with the feet. Have you ever seen a football game? Feet are about 3% of the action. They are used primarily to propel the participants either quickly away from or into each other, and to occasionally kick the damn ball in what are the most boring plays in all of sports — after the intentional walk and whatever goes on in a curling match.

Continue reading “The Hater’s Guide to Football”