As you’ll see from this Wynn Private Menu (pdf – new window),* the couple who gave Vegas its gastronomic pretensions have decidedly unpretentious appetites.**

Seems sort of a shame really, since they have everyone from Alex Stratta to Theo Schoenegger at their beck and call. (e.g., “Hey Schoenegger, can I get a goddamn egg white omelet up here for chrissakes! I’m hungry as hell and Kazuo Okada is breathing down my neck…”)

If ELV (and the fictional Mrs. ELV) suddenly changed places with the Steverino and his missus (in a post-modern, culinary Prince and the Pauper switcheroo sort of way) here’s how the instructions to our private chef would read:

Likes: Ortolans

Does not like: Beenie Weenies

Enjoys: Roasted fetal baby pigs imported from Ristorante Diana in Bologna, Italy.

Does not like: Pigs In A Blanket

Loves: Komodo dragon steaks a la The Freshman

Does not like: Tuna noodle casserole

Loves:

– White truffles from Alba, Italy

– Black truffles from the Perigord region of France

– Belon oysters flown in fresh from Brittany daily

– Fresh butter from Neal’s Yard Dairy

– Jamon Iberico pata negra de bellota

– Hand-harvested Nantucket bay scallops

– Unpasteurized French cheeses

Does not like: Fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches

Loves (and insists upon): A new chocolate creation every day from Fredric Robert

Does not love: Jello molds

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* Whassup with the instructions: “Do not overfeed him. Control portion size.” What is the guy, a pet?

** Speaking of pets, after reading this, ELV (and the fictional Mrs. ELV) decided that being the Wynn’s personal chef must leave plenty of time for this.