FIREFLY Owner Shocked, SHOCKED Restaurant Makes People Sick

It turns out the Southern Nevada Health District was standing there with a padlock after all. As reported late yesterday, the SNHD shuttered the restaurant last Friday after more than thirty people became ill after eating there.

KSNV-TV News 3 added details to the story, stating over thirty-six  (yes, that’s 3-6, three dozen) became sick and ten had to be hospitalized.

The veritable cherry on top of the microbe sundae was provided by Yahoo! News, that labeled Firefly both “trendy” (when? 2004?) and the racker up of hundreds of rave reviews on Yelp. The article went on to say that John Simmons, Firefly’s owner, was “horrified” that his bastion of bacteria had made people sick — conveniently ignoring the fact that the same place was closed less than two years ago by the Health Department for numerous hygiene-related violations.*

All of which led ELV to think to himself: “Self, don’t ever be swayed by the haters and doubters again. When you said you smelled the stench of p.r. spin (when the owners were weakly claiming they “voluntarily” closed the place), you called it a crock and that’s what it was.”

(ELV hates being right all the time, but he hopes you’re getting used to it by now.)

Continue reading “FIREFLY Owner Shocked, SHOCKED Restaurant Makes People Sick”

FIREFLY Makes People Sick

In all the world, there is not something that someone cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and those who consider price alone are this man’s lawful prey. – John Ruskin

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KLAS-TV (Channel 8) reported this morning that Firefly on Paradise Road was closed over the weekend after several complaints of food poisoning.

The way the story was worded, it sounded like the owner closed the restaurant “voluntarily” after a number of complaints of customers becoming ill after eating there.

This is unmitigated, p.r.-driven bullshit. Continue reading “FIREFLY Makes People Sick”

I Saw Him Drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic’s

Anything too stupid to be spoken is sung. – Voltaire


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ELV note: Yours truly is often accused of hating music. This is not true. ELV doesn’t hate music, he hates trite, tuneless, sappy, commercial, derivative, copycat, not-an-original-thought-anywhere music. Music that sounds like everyone else’s music. And jazz. ELV really, really, really hates jazz. And Guns ‘n Roses. He really hates Guns ‘n Roses. Other than that, he loves the stuff. Sort of.

THE TOP 66 JUKE BOX SONGS OF ALL TIME*

You know the drill.

You’ve been there a hundred times.

You’re in some bar with a friend or three. You’re a little drunk, but not too. You might be hitting on new meat or playfully noodling your significant other. Everyone’s happy and chattering away.  Tunes are playing on the Rock-Ola or Wurlizter, but no one’s paying close attention.

Over in the corner, there might even be a few people boogieing away and singing along to some mildly inoffensive ditty from J. Geil’s,  Billy Idol, Chili Peppers, Violent Femmes or Smash Mouth. Good times.

Then, just when things start peaking (a buddy has you in stitches, someone buys a round, she touches your knee/licks your ear/gently brushes the Amazing Python of Love, etc.) some punk-ass, lame-dick, shriveled-gonad pussy (or, even worse, some brain-dead, seen-better-days-bimbo) proudly strolls to the juke and punches in an hour of musical shite like Depeche Mode, “Satisfaction,”  “We Built This City on Rock and Roll,” or anything from the Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Fleetwood Mac or, heaven forbid, the Eagles (Joe Walsh excepted).

And do you know what happens next?

You know what happens next, don’t you?

Continue reading “I Saw Him Drinking a Pina Colada at Trader Vic’s”