Yes, I know what you’re thinking: three whole months is an awfully long time to keep up a blog; poor John must just be exhausted; and how am I to get through the week without his witty, insightful and erudite commentaries on the Las Vegas restaurant scene? Well I really don’t know what to say other than seek professional help, take up a non-food related hobby, and holster those credit and debit cards until I get back.

The good news is that, while I’m away, I’ll be bestowing the munificence of mind and spirit that you have come to take for granted on the rest of the world, as I assume my rightful throne (for one episode at least), on the judges stand of Iron Chef America-beginning its seventh season this fall (air dates TBA).

As popular as ICA is, I must confess I remain true to the Japanese original-a show that reveled in badly- dubbed wackiness and its breathless emulsification of haute cusine into high camp.

For a blast from the past, click here to listen to my original “review” of the original Japanese Iron Chef for Nevada Public Radio.* Number Two Son of Food Man (Hugh Alexander Curtas D.O.B. 10-15-84) and the culturally babe-i-licious Ginger Bruner (D.O.B. unknown) supplied the other voices.

*Important historical footnote: Our spoof of the show aired on January 4, 2001, nine days before Saturday Night Live ran a similar (and far inferior) skit….although the mini shark’s head pizzas whipped up by Charlie Sheen looked mighty tasty.

With this week’s Food For Thought commentary, heard on News 88.9 FM KNPR-Nevada Public Radio, we bestow our last bit ‘o love on DJT. Having featured this small gem on radio, TV, and on this website, as well as talking up the cooking of Joe Isidori and David Varley to everyone from NORM! to Robin Leach, all we can do now is sit back and hope the public responds to a first-class operation that: 1) doesn’t trade off the name of an absentee, overhyped, metabolically challenged “celebrity chef;” 2) isn’t in a mega-casino that takes a Sherpa guide and GPS system to navigate; and 3) won’t murder your wallet with prix fixe menus and overpriced, big-hitter winelists.

Special added bonus: My commentary also defines the difference between an epicure, a gourmet, a gastronome, a gourmand and a glutton. Who says restaurant reviews cain’t bee edjeecaetional?

Click here to hear my review of DJT on Nevada Public Radio.

Hangover got you down? Too tired or lazy to read my post on Reno restaurants a few entries below this? We understand how a night of video poker, PBR and Jager shots can do that to even the most dedicated foodie. Therefore, as a public service, we hereby offer a direct audio link to my News 88.9 FM Nevada Public Radio weekly “Food For Thought” segment.

Click here to hear this week’s KNPR radio commentary.

Pizza lovers rejoice! Settebello, maker of simply the best pizzas in town (and the best pizzas in Salt Lake City and the only ones certified as authentic by Italian authorities as Vera Pizza Napolentana-real Italian pizza), has announced plans to move from its present location at Valle Verde and Horizon Ridge (commonly referred to by EATingLV.com as the middle of bleeping nowhere) to The District II (a slightly more accessible location in the franchise-restaurant wasteland that is Monochrome Valley.)

Rumor also has it that owner Brad Otton and his pizzaiolo Carmine D’Amato (a master of the craft of pizza making), are scouting locations on the west side of town. Hope springs eternal.

Click here to hear my review of Settebello on News 88.9 FM-Nevada Public Radio.

Click here to watch a YouTube video of D’Amato doing what he does best-to a jazzy Italian soundtrack. But don’t blame me if you can’t understand anything; those darn Italians have a different word for everything!

SETTEBELLO

1776 Horizon Ridge Pkwy.

Henderson. NV 89012

702.647.3556

www.settebello.net

This week on KNPR-Nevada Public Radio (www.knpr.org), we continue our editorial on what should happen when unappetizing things (e.g. a piece of twisted metal) get found in your food. Instead of my usual witty and insightful bon mots, I allowed Steven “The Fat Guy” Shaw, John “Noodles” Mariani, and Alan “The Hitman” Richman to weigh in on this weighty subject, and the commentary consists of my mellifluous voice quoting and paraphrasing their opinions on the subject. In other words, Tom Sawyer-like, I convinced them to do my script writing for me. Pretty nifty, eh?

Click here to hear my weekly commentary on News 88.9 FM-Nevada Public Radio

On this week’s Food For Thought-heard on Nevada Public Radio (www.knpr.org)- we address the “free dessert” dodge that restaurants use to (try to) placate a customer when something goes really wrong with a meal. I don’t know about you, but I’d consider a piece of twisted metal in my gnocchi a definite buzz kill….worthy of more reparation than a lousy piece of cheesecake.

BTW: the offending restaurant was B&B Ristorante (Molto Mario’s place) in the Venetian.

Click here to hear this week’s commentary on KNPR-Nevada Public Radio.

Click here to hear my past review of B&B Ristorante on KNPR-Nevada Public Radio.

That’s how my good buddy Lesley Balla Editor of Eaterla.com posts the news of openings and closings and what’s hot and what’s not of restaurants in L.A. that seems to fascinate Los Angelenos more than the food.

Except I ain’t revealing any construction photos or sneak peeks… just facts. Or things that might be facts if they turn out to be true.

Encore, the sister property to the Wynn Hotel and Casino, is going up before our very eyes (right beside the Wynn) and is slated to open at the end of this year.

We have it on good authority (in other words: straight from the rumor mill and mouths of people who know people who like to play Deep Throat to my Bob Woodward, except that we like to meet in well lit restaurants and drink good Burgundies when they’re telling me these things and they’re not old white guys who work for the CIA), that Tableau will be closed to make room for Larry Forgione to open another An American Place tucked into its ritzy corner of the Wynn. FYI: I ate at the original numerous times in the ’80’s and ’90’s, and at the re-born AAP in St. Louis earlier this year, and all meals were fabulous. Forgione (who’s son is Executive Chef at BLT Prime in NYC), is truly one of the godfathers of regional American cooking, so this is great news….but I digress.

Tableau’s chef, the ultra-talented Mark LoRusso (KNPR and KLAS TV’s Chef of the Year for 2007), is getting his own restaurant at Encore (no doubt directly as a result of those ultra-prestigious MAJOR AWARDS being given to him), to be called Botero, after the Columbian sculptor of oversized bronzed booties that have fascinated me fo….now I’m really digressing.

Click here to hear my review of Tableau on News 88.9 FM KNPR-Nevada Public Radio.

Moving along; the ultra high-end joint at Encore is tenatively slated to be called VIP 5 (dumb name that…we’re guessing it’s a working title), and will be Italian and small-sorta like Del Posto without the size and the tackiness(!), and blessedly, without Batali. Chef to be named later.

Finally, Encore looks to mark the return of Sam DeMarco! Those who remember the Bellagio opening of Oct. 1998, may recall Sam’s American Grill-a cool and casual spot that featured his avant-garde take on classic American grub, served in what looked like a Flinstone’s cave.

For some reason known then only to the odious folks running the Bellagio F&B (Food and Beverage-all are gone now), DeMarco’s way-cool food was sent packing after only a year or so. FIX now occupies the space. His main man at Encore will be Billy DeMarco (no relation, no kidding). I have it on good authority (the same ones who told me Big Brown didn’t have what it takes in the Derby), that this joint will be called The Garden Cafe(!?)-is that the lamest name in the history of restaurants or what? Again, we’re guessing/hoping it’s a working title.

Let’s also hope someone wakes up and smells the arabica before the signs are hung on these places….’cuz the kitchen talent deserves better.

Now if anyone doubts the veracity of any or all of this report, I hereby give my special Easterbrook Guarantee*- all predictions true or your money back!

*invented by the tastefully named Gregg Easterbrook-a Brookings Institution Fellow and part-time NFL columnist for ESPN.com

BISTRO DIVINO

241 W. Charleston Blvd. Ste. 101

Las Vegas, NV 89102

702.362.8200

www.bistrodivino.com

We’ve already given props to Marcus Ritz and MEZZO (see below), but this week on News 88.9 FM KNPR-Nevada Public Radio, we kill (sic) two bomboloni with one cannoli as we give a shout out to it as well as to BISTRO DIVINO-yet another Italian restaurant that is succeeding against all odds. Our commentary is entitled A Tale of Two Italians…..

Click here to hear this week’s Food For Thought commentary on News 88.9 FM KNPR-Nevada Public Radio

Bon Appetit’s Epicurean Experience Uncork’d finished up last Sunday, so I bid it a fond farewell and a see you next year on this week’s Food For Thought, heard on 88.9 FM KNPR-Nevada Public Radio (www.knpr.org).

Click here to hear my thoughts on this year’s event.

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Payard Bistro and Patisserie

Caesars Palace

702.731.7292

The most common questions I get asked about this second job of mine as a world famous restaurant critic are: how does one become a restaurant critic? How many times a week do you eat out? And finally: why aren’t you the size of sperm whale? Well the answers are: It’s a long story, 10 times a week, and I have the metabolism of a hummingbird. I’m hardly svelte, but I like to say I’m not as fat as I could be nor as thin as I should be, and one of the ways I keep from looking like a building with feet is by avoiding (or at least minimizing) my intake of sweets, pastries, cakes and desserts. And that was pretty easy for me, until Francois Payard came to town.

Click here to listen to my current review of Payard Patisserie and Bistro.

Because one of the first things The Food Gal and I do whenever we travel to New York, is to hop a cab to Lexington Avenue on the upper East Side, and immediately tuck ourselves into a tiny table at Payard’s for a generous sampling of superlative pastries. We’ve done this for years, because for years it’s pretty well been acknowledged that Payard is the best pastry chef in America. And as long as he stayed in New York, I could indulge myself with his croissants, pain du chocolat, madeleines, financiers, macaroons or whatever tasty cakes struck my fancy. …because I was only there for a few days and could go nuts without serious waistline consequences. The Food Gal of course never has this problem, because she’s never hungry for the stuff like I am, preferring instead to pick off my plate….which just means that I have to order twice as much.

Unfortunately, for the past 8 months or so, I’ve become vexed, tortured, tempted and tormented, ever since Payard diabolically moved into Caesars Palace and brought all of his French delicacies with him. He even went so far as to hire Gregory Gorreau, the immensely talented pastry chef from MIX, to be his Executive Chef, to further plague and confound my best laid dietary plans.

WORST of all, they decided to open a charming bistro along side their pastry shop….that provokes me morning, noon and night with the best omelette in town, the best quiche in town, the best croque monsieur in town, and a chocolate nutella banana crepe that will make you weep. They also do a pretty spectacular hamburger, and the eggs benedict are nothing to shake a baguette at either. And when you’re done swooning over all of those, there are those pastries and chocolates in the shop next door, calling to you like a siren song of forbidden delights.

Lash me to the mast please! It’s just not right I tell you!…..The best breakfast in town, a stunning lunch and dinner, and the best sweets and baked goods on this side of the Atlantic….something needs to be done about that perfidious Payard, and his henchman Gorreau….because they constantly remind me that I can resist anything except temptation.