Celebrity Chef Hell
And it just-hit-the-shelves. like yesterday: The 5th edition of EATING LAS VEGAS – The 50 Essential Restaurants – a concise, literate, irreverent, honest, meticulously researched tome that tells you where you should be eating and drinking in Las Vegas right now….and for the next year.
Everything you’ve come to know and love about Las Vegas’s only definitive dining guide is here:
- The Top 10 (with several surprises in store)
- The Rest of the Best (with 13 new entries added just since last Spring)
- Chinatown (Updated and expanded with almost 20 pages of recommendations of where to get your Asian on.)
- Steakhouses (Why we’re becoming the center of the steakhouse universe + our top 10 + shout outs to all the usual suspects.)
- A new “French” section (Did you know there were 16 great French places in town? Neither did I until I wrote the darn thing.)
- 17 Mexican joints rate a wave; 28 Italian ones do.
- Expanded “Desserts” section
- “Sushi” now merits its own chapter.
- 8 full pages of “Cheap Eats” (Done under duress by yours truly; thank god for Mitchell Wilburn and Greg Thilmont.)
- “Drinking Las Vegas” now gets a serious section, with Thilmont and young Wilburn weighing in on everything from coffee culture, to brewpubs to dive bars. (Cooler, more sober heads prevailed and they left the wine recommendations to me.)
- And my favorite section of all, soon to become a fan favorite: “JOHN CURTAS’ BOTTOM 10”! Rather than give away too much, we’ll just quote our introduction to the chapter and let you find out for yourself who won this race to the bottom.
Do you enjoy overpriced tourist traps? Tired food? Dated decor? Giving hard earned dollars to celebrity chefs who are phoning it in? Then Las Vegas has you covered too! Not only does Sin City boast dozens of the world’s greatest restaurants, it also hosts more htan a few half-baked concepts, licensing deals with “name” chefs, and sad old warhorses, all of which exist to separate the gullible from their cash. Proceed to any of these at your own risk, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.
We at ELV are warning you:
….to avoid that most dreaded of all eating-out fates: dining in Tourist Trap or Celebrity Chef Hell.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you!
P.S. They make great stocking stuffers for the restaurant goer in your life….which is like everybody these days, isn’t it?
There is a certain type of knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, fanny-packing, Red Stater who considers a trip to the Pawn Stars pawn shop the ne plus ultra of their trip to Sin City.
The crême de la crême of their Vegas vacation, the piece de la resistance of their precious playtime, if you will.
ELV does not understand these people.
Of course, The Official Younger Sister of ELV once went to Dollywood and he didn’t understand that, either.
They come in waves, but it begins as a trickle. First a couple, then another, then a four-top of salesmen in cheap suits slides by. A few curious souls from the bar pop their heads in. “Wow,” you hear them say, “this place is one of those famous French chefs (sic).” Then the elevators expel four, six, eight, a dozen hungry souls in various stages of convention dress: the obligatory Dockers and Rockports — adorned with the customary jewelry of the day: name tags, badges and lavalieres. Before long a group of twenty streams in — dressed for a big night at the Outback — all ready to spend the company’s money at this hi-falutin’ joint 64 floors above the Las Vegas Strip. “Gol-o-ly,” you can practically hear them saying to themselves. “This place ain’t like nuthin’ back home.” Before too much longer they’re presented with a menu of familiar sounding items that appear at their tables as small Trojan Horse plates of food that sounded like one thing, appeared as another, and tasted like something else entirely, and before they know it, the mind-numbing bill is presented to someone who will willingly pay it because it ain’t comin’ out of his pocket and a rape will just have occurred without the victim even knowing they were penetrated.
Welcome to Rivea.