ELV note: We used to love golf. Grew up on the game. Played all the time in the eighties and nineties. Once sported a solid 9-10 handicap. Once shot an 84 at Pebble Beach (an honest 84), where we played the four toughest holes on the course (8-9-10-11) in one over par. But something has happened to the world’s greatest game over the past ten years and we hardly touch our sticks anymore. And with the exception of the four majors (and the Ryder Cup), we couldn’t care less about the game. This guy’s hyperbolic, profane, prolific prose explains why….sort of.
PS: Why is ELV posting an anti-golf rant on his restaurant website? Because he’s ELV that’s why! Where the unexpected can always be expected!
THE HATERS GUIDE TO GOLF
By Seymour Dubsdread
Eldrick “Tiger” Woods
Why don’t you take some of your money and buy yourself a personality?
The biggest jerk in sports, by the length of a three-shot par 5. Mike Lupica once wrote: “Most professional jocks are assholes pretending to be nice guys.” Woods doesn’t even pretend. But you’ll never hear this from the flacks and whores in the golf media — who are so far up Woods’ ass they couldn’t see daylight from the 7th tee at Pebble Beach at high noon. Woods is such a sullen, surly dick, he could make Ben Hogan look like Chi Chi Rodriguez. He doesn’t tip (just ask anyone in Vegas), because he “doesn’t carry cash.” Really Eldrick? Really? Methinks a few dozen call girls would testify otherwise. Continue reading “The Haters Guide to Golf”