The Hater’s Guide to Football

ELV note: We ran this item last year, and, if anything, everything we wrote then is even more relevant now. For those of you who will protest with comments like:  “This is a restaurant Web site, why are you writing about other things? Blah, blah, blah…” (and believe us, we get a number of them), all we can say is: This is ELV! He writes about what he wants when he wants, and hopes you enjoy the ride. If you don’t, remember our solemn pledge to our loyal readers: All opinions guaranteed or your money back!


Most professional athletes are assholes pretending to be nice guys. – Mike Lupica

When Oscar Wilde said: “Seriousness is the last refuge of the shallow,” he must have been thinking about Roger Goodell. – ELV

Between its tin-pot nationalism, greedy, billionaire owners, corrupt colleges, and players (who are either absolute assholes or brain-damaged morons) it’s getting easier and easier to loathe everything about football. Below is a primer for those who are either unaware of its idiocies, or who turn a blind eye to the stupefying witlessness of the game, and the shameless arrogance of those who bring it into our living rooms.

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