Just when we thought raw food was the ultimate ridiculous concept for a chain restaurant, along comes Cereality, to prove us wrong. ELV would like to write derisively about this concept, but right now he has to get dressed, find his wallet, and drive to a restaurant to order a bowl of something he usually consumes in his underwear.
APPLEBEE’S
ELV usually doesn’t eat at possessive restaurants (Applebee’s, Chili’s, T.G.I. Friday’s, et al), but occasionally his staff does. To us, they symbolize all that is wrong with eating and eating out in America. The faux homey-ness, prepackaged protein, mass-marketed fat, carbs and sugar are revolting to anyone who cares about what they put in their bodies. And that preternatural cheeriness and forced fun is cheesy beyond belief. But as we all know, cheesiness (in all its forms) is what sells food to A-mur-i-cans.
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder
Absinthe was the drink of choice among artists and writers in the mid to late 19th century. It inspired poets and appeared in works by Pablo Picasso and Vincent Van Gogh. It was drunk by the scandalous playwright Oscar Wilde (who once said: “Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality”), the eccentric Toulouse-Lautrec (who had alcohol issues far beyond absinthe), the poets Charles Baudelaire and Edgar Allen Poe (ditto), and the famous 20th century author Ernest Hemingway (double ditto), just to mention a few. In keeping with the esteemed literary company with whom he is often compared (as a drunkard not a writer), ELV can often be found sipping this elixir of the Gods at Fleur de Lys – where General Manager Tobias Peach (peachy name for a restaurant guy heh?) gives a mini-seminar with every pour.