The Essential List – Restaurants That Matter

Image(Food fangirls agree: Oscar Amador is #1)

Way back in the Stone Age (six years ago), before America became a post-literate society, we wrote a guidebook about Las Vegas’s 52 Essential Restaurants. These days the internet is awash in clickbait, ragebait, and videos telling you where to eat. Rather than engage with influencers and idiots (pardon the redundancy), we prefer to revert to our wheelhouse and highlight the restaurants that count — those eateries forging their own path, founded on passion and pride, delivering the goods daily, and dedicated to their customers, not algorithms or Insta-fame. Restaurants that have made a mark (or are in the process of making one). Restaurants that stand for something.

Rather than bore you with actual reviews which dive deeply into what makes a restaurant good (Who has time for those anymore when we’re busy doomscrolling?), our list will have capsule summaries appropriate to a society with the attention span of a goldfish.

Fair warning: if you’re the type who lusts for Carbone, pines for chicken parm, or swoons for a res at Golden Steer*, stop reading now — these restaurants are too good for you.

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DOWNTOWN:

ADA’S

As good as food and wine gets in our humble burg.

BAR BOHEME

French food downtown once made as much sense as fine wine on Fremont Street. Because of BB, it now fits right in. Vastly improved, with a killer happy hour.

CARSON KITCHEN

We’ve always loathed the space, and loved the cooking. But every DTLV restaurant owes a debt of gratitude to this one.

ECHO TASTE AND SOUND

Go for the vibe; stay for the food.

ESTHER’S KITCHEN

Image(Think “Daniel Boone” as a 21st C chef)

The major domo, the big cheese, the granddaddy/pioneer of all good things to eat on Main Street — now so busy no one goes there anymore.

*GOLDEN STEER

The food isn’t worth the wait, but there’s no denying its iconic status.

LETTY’S ON MAIN

Leticia Mitchell is a force of nature, her tacos are great, and she single-handedly rescued the Old Sombrero building on Main Street. The City of Las Vegas should name a street after her.

MAIN STREET PROVISIONS

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A restaurant run the right way. Where the customer comes first, and the owner is there every night, taking care of everyone.

OSCAR’S STEAKHOUSE

We wish we loved the hotel as much as we do Ben Jenkins’ steaks, chops, fries, and cheeseburgers.

MAE DALY’S

Old Vegas decor, oodles of charm, and foie gras worth fighting for.

PUBLICUS

Eye-popping pastries, sumptuous coffee, and serious savories in the worst location in the history of Sin City.

1228 MAIN

Next-level breads, croissants and cookies, with a menu that doesn’t always excite, but never disappoints.

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CHINATOWN:

AMADOR

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The Food Gal® considers Oscar Amador Edo the best chef in town, and you won’t find me arguing with her. You’ll find me arguing a lot every week with the fangirl pictured above on Las Vegas’s favorite food podcast: Eat. Talk. Repeat.

AROMA LATIN AMERICA COCINA

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Steve Kestler’s move to Chinatown is not without its challenges, but the inventive, pan-Latin menu he cranks out is in a league of its own.

CHENGDU TASTE

We knew Sichuan food was here to stay when this SoCal import showed up.

CHINA MAMA (main location)

Xie xie for teaching a Chinese culinary backwater all about xiao long bao.

8 OZ KOREAN STEAKHOUSE

Until COTE arrived, the only Korean beef emporium worth its sirloins.

IZAKAYA GO

Popular accessible, and the perfect intro into izakaya eating (and drinking).

LAMAII

Our go-to Chinatown Thai…with remarkable wines.

KABUTO

Our last visit felt very formulaic (the price of popularity, one supposes), but there’s no denying its impact on our sushi scene.

KAISEKI YUZU

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Kaoru Azeuchi’s food is by turns subtle and spectacular (no mean feat that), and a seasonal meal at his Spring Mountain Road hideaway is one of the most unforgettable experiences you can have in Las Vegas.

MONTA RAMEN

Our first authentic ramen restaurant is still one of the best. (Pro tip: go at mid-afternoon for easy seating; peak times are a bitch.)

NAKAMURA-YA

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Kengo-san’s waafu (Tokyo-style) pasta is the best budget meal on Spring Mountain Road, with noodles that beat some Italians at their own game.

PARTAGE

It’s no secret I’ve had it with tasting menus, but that doesn’t sway me from saying Yuri Szarzewski’s creations set a new standard for local restaurants. (You’ll usually find us in the champagne bar enjoying his equally stunning small bites.)

PHO SAIGONESE

Packed with fellow travelers right out of the chute–  our best Vietnamese also excels at service, and easy ordering off a wonderful picture menu.

RAKU

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If chefs were warriors, Mitsuo Endo would be the Seii Tai-Shōgun of Chinatown — which means “barbarian-quelling generalissimo” — because he single-handedly brought Japanese refinement to the vulgarians of Vegas.

SHANGHAI TASTE

Get the XLB soup dumplings, and the noodles and the pan-fried dumplings (Sheng Jian), and the cold ox-tongue, and the spicy wontons, and any of the soups and thank me later.

SPARROW + WOLF

There are two restaurants in town that the long -suffering Food Gal® is always nagging me to go back to, and this is one of them. (Amador, above, is the other.)

YEN VIET KITCHEN

Our Viet hidden gem is in hiding no longer (thanks to a Michelin Bib Gourmand recommendation), but the pho, banh xeo, and goi cuon are as righteous as ever.

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(Gino and Rosalba Ferraro haven’t aged a day)

THE ‘HOODS

AMARI

Almost overnight, Nicole Brisson turned this also-ran into a contender.

ANIMA BY EDO

The only thing wrong with this restaurant is it’s too far from my house.

CAFE BREIZH

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Still the champion pastry-maker in the valley. No one does the French classics as well. Great crepes, sandwiches and galettes, too.

FERRARO’S

When the rest of Vegas was drowning in meatballs and cheap cheese, the Ferraro family showed us the way — and have been doing so, at a mind-boggling level of consistency, since 1985.

ELIA AUTHENTIC GREEK TAVERNA

More authentic Hellenic than Hera herself, and as Greek as Zorba — Elia is a gem of a taverna, cooking washed down with remarkable Retsina….or if you wish…. a superior Assyrtiko.

HAYWORTH

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Alex Reznik has brought Henderson back from the brink. And why “back from the brink” we mean saved it from its consignment as a complete culinary catastrophe.

LA STREGA

Gina Marinelli took a chance in franchise-land (amidst the godforsaken west Flamingo chain restaurant jungle) and stuck the landing.

LOTUS OF SIAM (both locations)

Despite all the legal sturm und drang, still the most famous Thai restaurant in town, and maybe America, with authentic northern Thai food that never falters.

MILPA

Las Vegas is lousy with leoparding these days, overflowing with ferment nerds and consumed with cornicione. But twenty years ago, people were still getting excited over double-stuffed crusts, and other such nonsense. Then Settebello showed up and showed us how it is done. And we’ve never looked back.

SIGNORA PIZZA

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Wood-fired pies from an award-winning master pizzaiolo Floriana Pastore. What Settebello started over twenty years ago, this signora has taken to eleven.

TAMBA

Game changer. Indian cooking like Vegas had never seen before. So good every galloping gastronome in town now makes multiple pilgrimages to Tommy Bahama land to eat there.

THE BLACK SHEEP

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Jamie Tran’s Asian-fusion food is everything you want in a local restaurant: personal, intriguing, eye-catching, lip-smacking and moderately-priced.

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Image(Las Vegas 1976, influencer count: -0-)

THE STRIP:

BAZAAR MEAT

Our best steakhouse.

CIPRIANI

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Best service in town.

COTE

Incredible Korean ‘cue that doesn’t break the bank (unless you go nuts).

DELMONICO

An institution that, unlike most institutions, shows no signs of age. Also, open for lunch!

Applause – Reaction GIFs

‘e’ BY JOSÉ ANDRÉS

Every budding epicure should experience this cozy little molecular cooking show at least once.

ESTIATORIO MILOS 

Still the best seafood restaurant in town, which is sort of like being the best surfer in Kansas. Srsly….the fish are all top notch and as fresh as desert seafood can be….at a price.

L’ATELIER DE JOËL ROBUCHON

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(I was a lot taller then)

Everything changed in ‘o5 when Joël and his brigade de cuisine arrived at the MGM. Methinks he’d still be proud of their performance.

JOËL ROBUCHON

Chef Eleazar Villanueva and GM Sean Christopher still run the tightest, friendliest, most extravagant ship in the haute cuisine business.

MAROON STEAKHOUSE

Image(Go ahead, be a jerk)

Somehow, the Sahara Hotel did the impossible: found the ideal replacement for Bazaar Meat — a charismatic Nigerian-Caribbean-American chef with critically-praised street cred, willing to challenge steakhouse preconceptions, and blow your socks off with curried goat agnolotti, jerk chicken and  rum-aged steaks. Now if only they’d turn the f**king music down.

MATTEO’S

An almost perfect Italian ristorante, featuring handmade pastas so astonishing you’ll think you’re in Italy. The analogy is a bit strained (since both are large, successful hotel restaurants), but the food at Matteo’s is to Carbone what the competing ristorante were to each other in “Big Night.”

two men are having a conversation and one of them is saying " maybe i should make mashed potato for on the other side "

MOTT 32

Big box Asians aren’t our thing, but there’s no denying the pulchritude of this Peking duck.

PETER LUGER

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Pro tip: the “Steak For Two” really feeds four, and the “Steak For Four” could feed an NFL offensive line.

RESTAURANT GUY SAVOY

A French haute heavyweight, still a marvel of refinement, with similar gastronomic chops to Robuchon. Perhaps a bit less over-the-top than its competitor, but with a treasure trove of a wine list. When GS and JR finally leave us, the Las Vegas Strip will revert to having all the destination dining cache of Orlando, Florida.

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Soooo not necessarily a “best of” list, although you’d be hard pressed to leave any of these off such an undertaking. Some of our faves didn’t make the cut (Wild Fig, ENDO, Toridokoro Raku, Ellie’s, Good Pie, Brezza, Stubborn Seed… ) as  we can’t summon the argument for them being as “important” to our dining scene. But maybe you can and we’d love the debate.

What also grabs us is a total lack of interest in most of the Strip. Entire hotels that used to be culinary powerhouses (Bellagio, Mandalay Bay, Palms, et al) these days don’t merit much more than a shrug. Perhaps we are destined to become another Orlando, albeit one with bigger sports books and better slot machines.

We have lived through extraordinary times. Las Vegas’s restaurant revolution was unlike anything any American city had ever seen. For almost two decades  (1998-2015), our hotel/casinos were in a gourmet arms race, trying to outdo each other to see who could make the biggest splash with its flashier lineup of chefs and dining rooms. But entropy was inevitable. Leases expire and tents get folded. Boomers fueled this revolution and they too are riding into the sunset. Enjoy these 56 “restaurants that matter” while you still can. None of them will be around forever.

Cheers!!

Image(Work work work..)

What’s New in Vegas

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Ed. note: Today marks 30 years since I started this food/restaurant/critic gig with my first “Food For Thought” commentary on KNPR – Nevada Public Radio. From radio to print to TV to books to the internet, it’s been quite a ride, and feast! In recognition thereof, the above pic charts some of my looks (with some of my favorite chefs) over the years, and here’s a new article celebrating…

WHAT’S NEW IN VEGAS – 2025

Reports of Las Vegas’s demise have been greatly exaggerated. True, tourism is down (around 10%), and prices are up (more on this below), but the conventions have returned, and on most weekends, reservations in the better restaurants are harder to find than single-deck blackjack.  Chinatown continues to boom, and the Arts District (downtown) has so many bars, brewpubs and watering holes that you’ll never be thirsty for more than half a block. On the Strip, a famous face has relocated himself into sparkling new digs, upscale Asian shows no signs of abating, upscale Indian is the new rage, and the best restaurant in town just celebrated its twentieth anniversary.

JOĒL ROBUCHON TURNS 20

Image(Brigade de cuisine)

When Joël Robuchon first planted his flag on American soil in 2005, it was not in New York, California or Chicago, but with two restaurants —  Joël Robuchon and L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon —  side-by-side at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Their arrival was heralded by Ruth Reichl at Gourmet magazine as a seminal moment in American gastronomy. Robuchon  had been fêted ten years earlier as the “Chef of the Century” by the Gault-Millau restaurant guide, and his sushi bar inspired L’Atelier, and more formal namesake room were giant leaps forward for French food both haute and bourgeois, in Vegas and elsewhere. In 2011, original chef Claude Le Tohic won a James Beard award for Best Chef Southwest, and in the ensuing years, both restaurants have remained true to the master’s reputation for maximum flavor extracted with precision and presented with elegant simplicity.

Image(Sean Christopher – Butter bombardier)

We’ve sung this restaurant’s praises so often we almost feel like a broken record, but so many things about it are sui generis. A formidable mignardise trolley still beckons as you enter the dining room, foretelling  your willpower’s inevitable demise — diet death by a thousand cakes. The bread cart alone (presented with 16 varieties, all baked in house), has to be the most impressive in America. The Bordier butter precedes it (above), wheeled to your table under a glass dome lovingly encasing a cylinder of Brittany churned cream the size of an artillery shell. Whatever amuse bouche appears (such as lemon gelée topped with anise cream) will have you scratching your head as to how much flavor punch can be compressed into such small bites.

Image(The yeast you can do is keep reading for the dough I’m making)

Robuchon (who died in 2018) drilled his troops well, and you can taste his attention to detail on every plate. In celebration of the anniversary, we indulged in a re-creation of one of the original tasting menus ($275 then, $525 now, with less expensive a la carte options available). Executive Chef Elezar Villanueva  (a James Beard finalist this year) still performs minor miracles with a humble ingredients: cream of lettuce soup, tuna tartare with bell pepper confit, and a single frog leg wrapped in kataifi (shredded filo dough), punctuated with garlic and small chanterelles.

This is cooking at its most elevated, but without affectation. No slight of hand is invoked, nor guess work required. In keeping with Escoffier’s  philosophy, things taste like themselves, only more so. So it is with a 48-hour (sous vide poached) leg of baby lamb, so tender and gently infused with Moroccan spice you’ll question ever enjoying lamb any other way. Or his Brittany lobster in a small pool of seafood bouillon — the briny concentrated flavor of the homard moderated by the slightly sweet broth. The usual haute cuisine signifiers — caviar, truffles and foie gras — are in use but judiciously so. Nothing overwhelms; everything has its place. The point being to make every bite a revelation, on the palate, not on the internet.

Image(Mignardises is French for: I can’t believe they’re serving us more food!)

The deep purple and cream decor, replete with the obligatory flowers, soothing drapery and massive chandelier, has held up well, invoking late Twentieth Century Michelin-approved plushness without stuffiness. Whatever haughtiness you might expect from such a formal dining room is quickly dispelled by a staff that puts everyone at ease. Many of them are multi-lingual, and all seem to have a twinkle in their eye as they guide you through some of the best cooking on the planet.

DOWNTOWN’S FRENCH REVOLUTION

Image(No guillotines needed)

French food in Las Vegas may have gone through a resurgence  in the early aughts with the likes of Robuchon, Guy Savoy, Pierre Gagnaire coming to the big hotels, but in the neighborhoods, the pickings have always been slimmer than a ficelle. Whether James Trees’ Bar Boheme signals a bistronomy renaissance remains to be seen, but its opening in mid-year gave lovers of Gallic cuisine a reason to rejoice.

Image(French health food)

Finally, a full-fledged, unapologetic frog pond, smack in the middle of the Arts District, dishing up toothsome takes on boeuf Bourguignon (above), sole Veronique, escargot and soupe a l’oignon. Slide into a corner booth, and dive into the all-French wine list with your tarte flambee, steak frites or crispy-skin poulet roti, and you can almost convince yourself you’re on the Rive Gauche.

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Even though Trees made his name with the wildly popular and very Italian Esther’s Kitchen (just down the street), he was classically-trained in the French catechism (at the CIA, then stints with Eric Ripert, Heston Blumenthal, and Michael Mina, among others), and will tell you his first love was cuisine classique. Like the French, he takes his culinary cliches very seriously. His baguette is baked in-house, and his chicken liver paté, frisée lardon salad, and that onion soup are an exemplars of the form. Burgundy snails get their own puff pastry jackets, and the duck fat fries are in a league of their own.

Image(Feelin’ saucy, punk?)

Trees also sources good beef and knows how to sauce it — with flawless renditions  of au poivre, Bordelaise, and Béarnaise accenting the bavette, filet and rib eye. Further good news comes from the pricing. Those cuts cost substantially less than they do two miles to the south. A 32 ounce, dry-aged entrecôte (boneless rib eye) here runs $155. At some of our more famous steakhouses, you’ll pay twice that. With a sophisticated cocktail program and top notch management, Bar Boheme has made a statement, and is looking to change the face of Main Street into something besides a good place to do a pub crawl.

SO. MANY. STEAKHOUSES.

Image(José can you see….all the steakhouses?)

Speaking of beef…yours truly has maintained for thirty years that every restaurant in Vegas would be a steakhouse if it could be, and The Venetian/Palazzo seems hellbent on proving me right. In less than a month, three new ones (Bazaar Meat by José Andrés, COTE, and Boa) all opened within a two minute walk from each other, bringing the total number of carnivore emporiums inside the complex to six. Bazaar Meat brings with it the most intrigue since for the past ten years, it’s been a bastion of prime stuck in a less than choice hotel (Sahara). With flashy new digs on the ground floor of the Palazzo, it boasts a similar menu, a huge front and center bar,  two large dining rooms and an open kitchen in front of  which you can examine the premium/pricey cuts ready to be be Josper-grilled to your cholesterol-enhancing satisfaction.

Image(Not your father’s cheesesteak)

They tell me menu changes will be made, but from where we sat, the pan con tomate, jamon Iberico de Bellota de pata negra, steak tartare, tomato tartare, air bread “Philly cheesesteak” sandwiches, and vaca vieja (8-10 year old Black Angus, aged on the hoof) steaks, are as fine as ever. You can appreciate Bazaar Meat as a steakhouse, a Spanish restaurant, or a wine and tapas bodega (with corresponding price points), and be assured of a fine time. Our last meal here was comprised of only “little snacks” and “little sandwiches” all of which are priced well under twenty bucks. Be advised though, those prime cuts get way north of a hundred bucks in a hurry. Go with a group and split the cost to get the most bang for your buck.

Image(A COTE above)

COTE is a steakhouse of a different slice. Korean barbecue to be precise, where the meat is pre-cut and cooked in front of you. Right next door to Delmonico and only a chip shot from CUT, it aims to capture the “We’re looking for a vibe-y experience with out steak” crowd — the same folks who consider Papi Steak (with sparklers in its steaks) and STK (with its dj curated incessant din) the ne plus ultra of a meal on the town.

But COTE throws these party-goers a curveball by actually being food-focused, as opposed to a glorified nightclub with obscenely-priced meat. Its vibe was honed by Simon Kim in New York City, where, in 2017,  he captured the zeitgeist of the time by combining a dark, moody vibe with superior cuts of Korean barbecue and a world-class wine list. Faster than you can say bulgogi, the world beat a path to his door. As concepts go, this one is born to travel, and this fourth incarnation (after NYC, Singapore and Miami) is sure to hit with both gastronauts and food fashionistas.

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From a person-of-a-certain-age perspective, the lighting isn’t that dark, the music not intrusive, and the booths as comfortable as booths can be. They cook the meat for you here, over smokeless grills, and the choices are geared to steer you to one of two tastings: and $88.88/pp “Butcher’s Feast” or the $225/pp “Steak Omakase”. Our group of famished flesh eaters found the smaller menu more than enough, with its four cuts of various fattiness more than enough to overwhelm our livers.

The limited banchan,  still  earned our Korean companions’ seal of approval, as did the shochu offerings. Of the various sides and apps we tried, some —  Korean “bacon”, Caesar salad — were fine but unmemorable, and the kimchi wagyu “paella” felt like nothing more than a misnamed plop of spiced rice. The wine list is truly impressive, with prices to match, natch.

PLANTING A SEED

Image(Vegas’s #1 Seed)

The name — Stubborn Seed —  is, depending on your generosity of spirit, either confusing or really stupid, since it tells you nothing about what to expect. Perhaps it makes more sense in Miami Beach, where Chef Jeremy Ford made it big, won a TV cooking competition (Top Chef season 13), and then got recruited to bring his concept to Resorts World in hopes of enhancing his brand and the foodie the cred of the hotel. Confused you may be as you walk to your seat, but several bites in, seated in full view of the large brightly-lit window framing the kitchen, you will realize you are in for something special — a different sort of restaurant, featuring high-wire, aggressive, veggie-focused (but not strictly vegetarian) cooking unlike any in town.

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Ford’s claim to fame is the intricate mixing of food metaphors, playing with odd combinations (and lots of leafy accents) that always seem to work. Thus will you find carrots charred with jerk seasonings and spiced yogurt, and a whole cauliflower roasted with a cashew puree, then garnished with seemingly every herb in the garden(above). House-cured olives come with a festoon of fried jamon Iberico,  Yellowtail crudo is cured by sake and citrus, and small pasta pyramids of harissa lamb fagottelli gets gussied up with a ginger tomato emulsion, sweet hot peppers, pinenut dukkah and crispy leeks. This is high wire cooking without a net and Ford and his crew clearly have the chops for it.

Image(Just like mom used to make)

His proteins don’t miss many beats either: a foie gras/truffle tart (above) reminds you of a glorified PB&J; branzino in nutty brown butter and hazelnuts, is a worthy upgrade of an often boring fish, and a slow-cooked smoked beef rib (priced-to-sell at $85) are as good as anything you’ll find in most steakhouses. None of this is cheap (the rib runs $80), but compared to most Strip restaurants these days, $145 for a set tasting menu feels like a bargain. You can also downsize by going a la carte, which is how to get the crispy, charred double-smash burger with “crave” sauce ($28), which should not be missed. Desserts — peanut butter/fudge brownie candy bar, olive oil cake citrus Pavlova with caramelized pistachios, warm snickerdoodle cookie with toasted barley ice cream — pull out all the stops and hit all their marks, impressing even this jaded palate.

Stubborn Seed is definitely the most compelling Strip restaurant to open this year, full of interesting ideas and flavor combinations which delightfully challenge your taste buds without intimidating them. We are rooting for it to find an audience.

SUBCONTINENT SUPERSTAR

Image(As Indians go, there’s naan better)

Calvin Trillin once wrote that the average Italian restaurant gets more customers in a night than a good Indian joint sees in a month.  Indian food – one of the world’s great cuisines –  has been so underrepresented in America as to be almost invisible. Urban areas have their generic tandoori parlors and AYCE buffets, but for decades that was about it. But the tide may be turning. The elegant, sophisticated Indian cuisine of the sub-continent might be having a moment, here and elsewhere, and in Las Vegas, Tamba is leading the way.

Image(Missing: AYCE steam tables)

Located in the Town Square shopping mall south of the Strip, Tamba has as much in common with your standard, cookie cutter curry shop as a Bentley does with a Dodge Dart. This is apparent from the moment you step inside. Instead of cliched decor and nonstop Bollywood videos, what confronts you is a subtle, subdued restaurant of overstuffed chairs, refined tableware and an eye-popping bar that would be right at home in the Bellagio.

Once you are seated, Chef Anand Singh flies you around the sub-continent (and across the Pacific rim), dabbling in everything from upscale tuna sushi with smoked sea salt to artichoke sashimi to a Hakka (Chinese) noodle stir-fry. Spicings are precise, presentations polished, and the multi-layered flavorings a revelation. (A one-curry-fits-all stop this is not.) You can go traditional with an intriguing hand-folded Samosa Chaat (stuffed with curried chickpeas, masala-spiked potatoes and tangy pomegranates), dry-spiced lamb chops, or soothing butter chicken, or test the kitchen’s more modern chops with its takes on grilled Afghani saffron paneer, banana leaf-wrapped sea bass, or Josper-grilled octopus with purple cauliflower. Either way you will be wondering where all these spices have been hiding. You can also be assured that whatever hits your table will be like nothing Vegas has ever tasted.

Upscale Indian restaurants like this have been in England for a century, and updated takes on this food have been the rage in London for twenty years. Vegas may be late to the party, but with Tamba and, later this year, the arrival of  Gymkanha to the Aria, Las Vegas may be maturing into a deeper appreciation of broad range of ingredients, techniques, and flavor packed into these dishes. Whatever magic spice Singh and manager Olivier Morowati have concocted seems to be working. (Grinding and mixing all of their masalas and curries in house is part of the secret.) Whatever the alchemy, local foodies have taken to this place like naan to a tandoor, portending, perhaps, the long overdue celebration of one of the world’s most fascinating cuisines.

The 10 Commandments of Dining…and then some

AI Illustration of Moses with the 10 Commandments Tablet. Source: Jim Vallee/Adobe Stock(Thou. Shalt. Not. Manscape.)

Thou shall have no other gods before me

Ya gotta love Christian theology: they put the big one up front. Don’t even think of listening to anyone but me!  I am the oracle. The master. The Obi–Wan/Yoda to your Luke Skywalker. No matter what the rest of them say, they’re wrong and I have all the answers.

Sounds about right. Come to think about it, I am a lot like Moses, albeit with better manscaping.

To not believe in me condemns you to a life in purgatory, or worse, eating substandard pasta.

Admittedly, I am not as active as I once was, but Yoda was holed up in that shithole Dagobah for decades and could still wield his laser sword. And even if I’ve lost a little off my fastball, if you’re taking advice on restaurants from some paid influencer, or worse, some chesty chick with a big following, you’re barking up the wrong tits.

Thou shall not make unto thee any graven image of celebrity chefs

full throttle saloon kitchen GIF (Squeeze gently for ripeness)

“We’re coming to town, and my wife wants to eat in a Bobby Flay/Giada/Gordon Ramsay restaurant,” is a refrain I hear all the time. Fair enough. These brands didn’t get to where they are by putting out experiences which range from the ethereal (Guy Savoy, Bazaar Meat) to the service-ably mundane (anything by Gordon Ramsay). And when you hale from  Bumfudge, Indiana, Vegas is one of the few cities in American where you can sample a gigantic range of cuisines, from franchises which have now spanned decades. But in Vegas, as elsewhere, the shine has dimmed on many of these stars, and the more interesting cooking is going on in places that aren’t the 15th incarnation of an idea that was hatched twenty years ago.

Instead of Gordon Ramsay Steak, try Mae Daly’s, Scotch 80 Prime, Harlo, Nicco’s.

Estiatorio Milos is great, but you won’t need a second mortgage to eat similar fare at  Elia Authentic Greek Taverna or Naxos Taverna.

Image(Risotto at Aromi)

Instead of Amalfi by Bobby Flay (which I like), or Giada (which I don’t), give Balla (Sahara), Matteo’s (Venetian), Ferraro’s, Basilico, Milano, Aromi, Esther’s Kitchen, Al Solito Posto, or Cipriani (Wynn) a whirl for top-flight Italian which doesn’t break the bank.

Instead of limping through Bellagio, or getting lost in the maze of Caesars Palace’s infuriating hallways, go to Fountainebleau. You’ll still be gouged out the wazoo, but the decor, the service, and the concepts are much fresher than all those tired celeb warhorses — relics of the 90s and early aughts still going through the motions to please their corporate overlords.

Thou shall not take the name of Joël Robuchon in vain.

French cuisine elevated Las Vegas to status on the world’s gastronomic stage previously thought impossible. And despite it hardly flourishing here, we still sport four of the best French restaurants in the country in our backyard: Joël Robuchon, L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon, Restaurant Guy Savoy, and Bouchon. Insider tip: Brasserie by Bobby Flay ain’t half bad, either. Although getting to it, inside Caesars, is a pain in the baguette.

Honor thy Sabbath Day, keep it holy, but forget about brunch.

Image(Brunch? Non. Croissants? Oui!)

Overwrought pancakes? Eggs nine ways? Bottomless mimosas? Brunch is just a way for a restaurant to clean out its larder and overcharge for omelets and shitty Prosecco. F**k brunch and go have a real meal (and better croissants) at:

Bouchon

Winnie’s and Ethel’s

Cafe Breizh

PublicUs

Chamana’s Café

Daily Bread

1228 Main (Pictured above – Winner of the Croissant Crawl ’24 on Eat. Talk. Repeat.)

Burgundy French Bakery and Cafe

Le Cafe du Val/Le Cafe du Sud

The only thing worse than brunch is a jazz brunch.

Episode 2 Brunch GIF by The Simpsons

Thou shall NOT honor they father and mother….

…unless they were good cooks. Or knew a thing or two about good restaurants. Otherwise, forget everything you learned at the family table and all the boring-ass food you were served there. Picky eaters are bred, not born. Kick your parents to the curb (culinary wise) and you’ll be happier for it.

Thou shall not kill…cooking and cuisines which have developed over hundreds, even thousands of years solely to bring you pleasure

You are not there to “have it your way.” You are there because the people serving you are better at choosing, seasoning and cooking food than you are. And for this, attention must be paid and respect given. You want special food which fits your specific dietary needs? Stay home and cook it yourself. There are entire continents (Europe, Asia…) where people who go out to eat simply order and eat what is put in front of them. Only in America does the “can’t eat something” culture flourish. And flourish it has. Restaurants from Tokyo to Rome now reflexively ask diners if they have “any dietary restriction,” as if your inability to eat shrimp is somehow their problem.

Thou shall commit gastro-adultery…

…by being absolutely faithless to one form of cooking or eating. The world of Las Vegas restaurants (like the human body) is a playground to be taken advantage of — indulging with every whim or immediate gratification fantasy you’ve ever had (within reason, of course). Sticking to a fave restaurant, dish, or routine is like the Missionary position: functional but boring.

Thou shall not steal

From thyself or thy restaurant. Bargain hunting, 2-for-1s, early-bird specials, coupons, etc. is a fool’s paradise which cheats you and the people working hard to feed you.

John Ruskin said it best: There is hardly anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and the people who consider price only are this man’s lawful prey.

Do yourself a favor. Look for quality, the best you can afford, when it comes to things you put inside your mouth. Your body will thank you later.

Thou shall not bear false witness…of whatever “special needs” you claim to have.

See above. Face it: You only like to announce that you’re “allergic to _____” to call attention to yourself. Makes you feel special doesn’t it? To go out in public, gain a captive audience, and then tell the hapless waitron and your table mates how delicate your precious, vulnerable body is. The unbridled narcissism of the internet age has only magnified this solipsism. When someone tells me they “can’t eat something,” it invariably means: “I don’t like it.” So stop the bullshit or stay home.

Thou shall not covet:

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– Thy restaurant steak(s) — which have become cripplingly expensive. Slavishly seeking overpriced slabs of steer muscle in a fancy steakhouse is more and more a game of diminishing returns. Yes, they get the best beef and cook it at temperatures which are hard to duplicate, but most industrial beef is a crime against earth, and the real, grass-fed, free-range stuff is out-of-reach for most mortals. These days it makes more sense to go to a good butcher and cook one at home. Peter Luger (above) gets a pass here because its dry-aged beef is nonpareil, and a $200 rib steak split four ways makes sense.

– Thy neighbor’s sushi — Overpriced, fancified, sushbag Japanese has become a cliche. You want a good sushi experience? Find a small, Japanese restaurant like Hiroyoshi on W. Charleston, or Sushi Hiro in Henderson, get to know a sushi chef, and trust him to slice you the best fish he can find. And leave influencer-style seafood and A-5 fetishization to the more-money-than-taste crowd.

– Thy cult wine — Wanna brand yourself as a world-class douchebag? Start bloviating about all the Cali cabs you drink. And don’t get me started about orange and “natural” wines tasting of kombucha steeped in dirty feet.

Truffled Caviar Bumps at Grant Achatz's NEXT Restaurant in ...(Fish bumps)

– Caviar — A dumb, flash-in-the-fetish trend, which appears to have jumped the sturgeon.

– Truffles — Want to see my eyes narrow? Try shaving raw black truffles on anything, in July. Or Summer truffles, anytime. As with caviar, the faux poshification of restaurant food is an insult to the food and to customers, most of whom have no idea they’re being taken for an upcharge ride.

– Any restaurant you have to book more than a week in advance. Fueled by the food porn of Netflix’s Chef’s Table, and all the World’s 50 Best and Michelin Guide nonsense, the “we need to eat at ______ when we’re in _____” culture has attained unprecedented trendiness in the past decade — a slavish, FOMO tumescence, if you will, among the body politic of affluent restaurant goers — and the bullshit needs to stop. For every “must-have” or “bucket list” address on these sheeples’ radar, there are dozens, if not hundreds of similarly worthy meals awaiting at places not overrun by insecure show-offs.

THE REST OF MY (more secular) COMMANDMENTS:

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Thou shall not wear thy cargo shorts….

…or thy t-shirt or thy flip-flops, or thy ball caps into nice, sit-down, restaurants. I realize I’ve lost this battle, as the Wal-mart-if-i-cation of America is pretty much complete, but bray I will until they pry my Ferragamos from my cold dead feet.

Thou shalt honor thy Sabbath Saturday by NOT dining out then.

Saturday night is to eating out what New Year’s Eve is to drinking — strictly for amateurs. Restaurant food tastes best Wednesday-Thursday-Friday. YOU COULD LOOK IT UP!

Thou shalt eschew AYCE everything

“Premium All-You-Can-Eat” is an oxymoron. Like jumbo shrimp and plastic silverware. There has never been, in the history of the world, an unlimited, eat-all-you-can table which was slinging anything but under-priced cattle fodder to the slope-shouldered, mouth-breathing sheep who flock there like moths to a cattle trough. (Mix. That. Metaphor!)

Thou shall not covet thy hostess, thy bartender, or thy waitron.

I know, I know, They’re young and sexy and oh-so friendly. And you just know they’re dying to meet you later for a drink. But trust me, muchacho, you’re just a number to them. And unless you are either devastatingly sexy, very rich, or somewhat famous, that friendliness is part of their job, not a come-on.

Thou shalt always order the specials

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Every restaurant tells you right up front what they are good at. Sometimes it’s on a chalkboard, sometimes it is highlighted in a letter box. (Like the barbacoa lamb grilled cheese at Chamana’s pictured above.) Often the waitron will tell you what’s special that day. Occasionally, it is in the name of the restaurant. They’re making it easy for you, dummy, so pay attention. If you order the steamed fish at Xiao Long Dumplings, you have only yourself to blame.

Speaking of fish…

Thou shalt never mix fajitas with fish

I knew a woman once who loved Italian food. (Who doesn’t?) But she took her gastronomic myopia to ludicrous levels by always looking for pasta in the most absurd places. Thus did I witness her disappointment in her lasagna from a Lebanese joint, and the spaghetti served at a Connecticut fish shack. She also insisted upon ordering margaritas everywhere from beer halls to wine bars. These choices never ended well. Neither did the marriage.

Thou shalt tip like a potentate

Everyone knows I hate tipping. It is backwards, insulting, racist, sexist, and demeaning to both parties. But until America grows up and starts paying its restaurant servers a living wage, these “gratuities” are the only way many at the lower end of the socioeconomic spectrum can make their rent. The only people who like tipping are restaurant owners and the microscopically few waitrons fortunate enough to work in high-end (read: $100/cover minimum) restaurants. I say: F**k tipping with a dirty fork. But then leave 20% minimum, and be thankful they are serving you and not the other way around.

Thou shalt disdain Strip wine lists.

Big Hotel has officially ruined wine drinking in many of our mega-resorts. (This does not hold true for certain restaurants (Guy Savoy, Peter Luger) and the Venetian-Palazzo lineup (where the tenants have the freedom to set their own boundaries). Bring your own and pay the corkage, or stick to by-the-glass.

Honor thy establishment by not overstaying thy welcome.

Read the room, nimrod. Don’t stay past the end of your meal chatting up your table when a line is snaking out the door — not just as respect for the customer, but for the owner of your favorite hang out. If the place is emptying out, however, feel free to stay until you hear a vacuum cleaner. Then leave a huge tip. (See above.)

Thou shalt not order oysters in a month without an “r” in it.

And with global warming, perhaps it’s best to keep your bivalve lust to between Halloween and Easter.

Thou shalt avoid (most) vintage Vegas restaurants like the plague

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From the antediluvian Bootlegger  to the indefensible Michael’s, Vegas’s old restaurants hang on to their hoary clientele with prehistoric menus, somnambulant service and decor more dated than a Steve & Eydie duet. Like the person typing these words, they were cool once, but have hung on way past their expiration date. Unlike this person, they exist in a bubble that ignores the last forty years of America’s food revolution.

FINALLY…

Thou shalt never:

  • Order the fish on Mondays
  • Take more than five minutes to peruse a menu
  • Ask for wine in a cocktail bar
  • Try to impress a sommelier with your wine knowledge
  • Ask to speak with the chef
  • Eat any food pretending to be something else (vegan “cheese,” froyo, tofurkey, etc.)
  • Arrive drunk at a restaurant
  • Drink cocktails with dinner
  • Lick your fingers at the table (unless the barbecue easement is invoked)
  • Speak of anything gross, bathroom-related, or appetite-inhibiting at the table
  • Expect the service at most small Asian restaurants to be anything but functional
  • Expect the wine selection at most Asian restaurants to be anything but horrible
  • Use your knife and fork as if you were hacking a vicious animal to death (Here’s tutorial if you need one.)
  • Season your food before tasting it
  • Assume “the customer is always right” because the exact opposite is usually true
  • Go to any party restaurant (Tao, STK, Papi Steak, et al) for the food
  • Eat in a place called Mom’s, play cards with a man named Doc, or sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own.

But enough about me.

Cheers!

Brunching GIFs | Tenor