Overheard at my favorite neighborhood sushi spot:
Women walks in and is being shown to seat at sushi bar.
As she’s about to sit down, she starts grilling the helpful hostess.
“I’m allergic to gluten and all regular soy products.”
“I don’t eat wheat of any kind.”
“What kind of vinegar do you use?”
“Does it have any wheat products in it?”
“Would you check please?” (Helpful hostess goes to check; returns five minutes later.)
Upon being told that the vinegar may contain trace amounts of gluten or wheat, she (and her no doubt long-suffering husband/boyfriend) decided to leave.
She was carrying her own bottle of tamari.
I would bet the beach house this woman was no more allergic to wheat than I am to catfish.
I would bet my other bungalow that 90% of the narcissistic prigs out there who claim to have gluten allergies are lying about it.
But it’s nice that your “allergies” give you an excuse to torture people in restaurants so you can make yourself feel “special” at their expense.
Here’s an idea lady: leave your bottle of wheat-free tamari home, and leave my sushi bar alone.
Better yet, leave yourself at home.
Do you know who doesn’t have food allergies? Europeans, Asians, Africans, Mexicans, Burundians… and all sorts of third world countries where people are starving.
Do you know who has a lot of food phobias? American white women who want to draw attention to themselves.
It’s always white women, isn’t it? I’d venture the ratio of white women to white men claiming food allergies in America to be at least 100-1.
But how they suffer so. Poor things. They have this burden dontcha know of things they can’t eat….but they still want to go out and be seen at restaurants and be known as food lovers (because you know, it’s cool to be a foodie), but they just want everyone to know how special their needs are. And they need the restaurant to know so they can be catered to in a very special way that will make them feel special, because, you know, their special-ness depends on it.
Face it: your gluten allergy is fake.
So go fuck yourself and your fucking fake food allergy.
A person who is severely allergic to foods and still goes to restaurants is like a someone who abhors violence stepping into a boxing ring.
The only thing that would’ve made this situation worse is if she had been carrying a dog.
I hate people.