ELV note: Yours truly is not in the habit of suing restaurants. We love restaurants, chefs, cooks and restaurateurs. We also know that anyone can get food poisoning any time at any place (you could, conceivably, get a bad clam at Joel Robuchon), and a single incident of illness would not be actionable, as we say in the law. But over three dozen incidents from a single establishment in one week is beyond the pale. So many illnesses in so short of time manifests practiced negligence on the part of management. Therefore, as a public health service, we hereby offer the following commercial.
ELV has become so well known as a restaurant critic that some people (including the Food Gal®, his long suffering assistant, and his accountant) forget that he is also a lawyer, as in: he practices law.
For money.
He’s pretty damn good at it too — having accumulated decades of experience in numerous facets of the profession (civil, injury, business, litigation, criminal, domestic, corporate, and real estate).
He is also well-versed in the nuances of divorce law and will happily help those who need to unwind the knot with a significant other.
And by “unwind the knot with a significant other” he means he will happily refer you to an attorney who specializes in human behavior at its worst. (High powered business executives and incarcerated felons are pieces of cake next to a housewife who caught her husband boinking the au pair.)
With this in mind, he is using this space, at his accountant’s suggestion to remind his loyal readers that there could be gold in them thar hills against the business that made them very sick. Any who were injured should feel free to contact him at:
John A. Curtas
Attorney-at-Law
3275 South Jones Blvd. Suite 105
Las Vegas, NV 89146
702.307.9500
john@curtaslaw.com (see our classy ad – with Greek columns and everything! – in the box on the right below)
….where he will happily refer you to competent legal representation.
But wait there’s more!
As a further public service, any who retain him will be happily steered to a tapas restaurant that won’t send them to the hospital.
Our gracious host will also steer you to the best places to buy a white suit. No need to stake out a Tom Wolfe book signing to ask for haberdashery tips.
If I end up not suing, can I keep the tapas restaurant recommendation as my free gift?
There is no Class Action, since the victims did not suffer uniformly (not all were hospitalized etc). However, there will be litigation on an individual basis for damages-more so- if there was gross negligence.
ELV responds: Floyyd R. Turbbo is right, of course, we were using the term figuratively.
Boinking “the father”?
We have learned certain labels that apply to your experiences: “The Paymon” or “The Full Andre” I might suggest you are pulling a “Sal Goodman”
http://www.bettercallsaul.com/
If the Harvey Birdman pic is any indicator, your boss, judge, and opposing attorney all sound like Stephen Colbert.
I think ELV and jose andres have a thing for each other.
Right after Jose andres cums on ELV’s face they both whisper. “Let’s take out Firefly”
@Don. Right. Because Jose Andres gives a fat flying fuck what Firefly is doing. I’d argue he doesn’t even know of their existence. Unless he reads ELV, of course.
They have close to 90 cases of the worst case of salmonella in Las Vegas (few of the salmonella as big as Anopheles and sitting cross legged in the patio smoking havana cigars!) and the place is ready to open!
By the way this could be a ‘Class Action” if a Judge can certify it as one. May be Two Class Actions-one for victims who suffered as inpatient and the other as out-patient.
Don – Jose Andres and ELV aren’t responsible for food safety at Firefly. They didn’t take out Firefly. Firefly took out Firefly. Simple.